back home

I got home today, i'm gonna go to sleep in a sec, but i wanted to throw something up, just to keep in the habit, so it won't fall into disrepair. I realized that i love using the internet as my tool and entertainment, and that I love searching and finding, and adding new things constantly online, there's something about it that just attracts me like almost nothing else. Strangely it's like learning about an interesting girl, see previous post? that you want to get to know everything about, but know that you'll never be able to understand them on that comprehensive level because she's a girl...well i'm not an internet, but i sure do enjoy it. Anyway, i got home today, and i leave tomorrow. I need to wake up in the morning and pack up/clean up for long island, then my countryhouse to start work for my dad. It feels like i've been gone for so long that when i really think about it and realize that ive only been gone for 2 weeks it seems crazy to me, but that's the way it works. The wrestling camp was one of the greatest experiences of my life, really, if you havent read my instant reaction to it that i posted earlier. recently i haven't really written many stories or poems, so i'm going to try to get back into that, probably once i get to my countryhouse. I had a four pack on the last day of camp, but it went away really quickly because i was touring colleges and eating a lot w/o the 4 a day intensive practices. I've been working out a little bit, with occasional hard workouts when i can hit a gym at the hotel we stayed at, but i haven't been running the same way, every day. Now that my life has settled a little bit i'm going to start running every morning, hoping to drop down to about 165 by the end of the summer, which would put me at a 4% body fat, not to maintain, but at least to hold a little over 170 so that i don't need to lose crazy pounds before wrestling season, make it a lot easier on my body i think. Being back with my parents is only partially a trial. They havent changed at all, even though it feels as if i have, meeting new people, changing my life as well as my body and my mind. Wrestling is almost completely in the mind, all about continueing past your boundaries, and pushing beyond your fears and pains. Hopefully i can apply that to every aspect of my life. Tomorrow i go see john (my therapist) maybe i'll write out a little summary of what i'll say to him or sommat tomorrow before i go, so that i remember better. Another thing that camp gave me is that it restored a little bit of an experimental attitude with girls. Just being able to flirt with no reprocutions and just play around with them, no intentions or future, was lots of fun. Especially after dealing with Julia, both in relationship and once it ended, i think i needed that mental and emotional release, it just came when i was getting a physical and mental release through wrestling. In a very strange way i feel renewed, full of determination to make and form my life into what i want it to be, instead of struggling to fight agaisnt everything. Like when you face up against someone as good as you, instead of worrying about it, and trying to be good, you just move, flow, shoot, block, and keep going. The key is not to give up, and i think that i've been trying so hard to force my own way, that i haven't seen that i'm using all my strength, instead of using it to streamline myself, and then slip forward in the direction i want to persue. added a couple colleges to the list;

RPI- great academics, intensive studying and not a terrible amount of distraction, great research

Case Western- same as RPI except you have a lot more diversity b/c it's in clevelend and has more focus on other sections of study, including a large artistic and musical community.

Penn State- a huge resourceful school, opportunities to do whatever i want, great social life, not as much of an academical pinnical, but i could mold my education to be excactly what i want it to be after the first couple years of rote work.

Ohio State- similar to PSU, but it is a little more widespread in the MATSci focus, and involves a specialization after your junior year, which i like. They have a foundry at the school, and seem a lot more open to the idea of me building or bringing or finding a forge and working on it in school.

Drexel- I would go to drexel for 2 things, because it would work to my advantage, instead of against me, completely, and for the coop program, which is amazing, and would have me working for 3 6month periods of time, although most other schools have the ability to coop, drexel is where i would go for it. I love the feel i got from drexel too, it seems like a place i would thrive.

So that's the college circumstances, If you skipped that whole thing, which is reasonable, because i was kindof just writing it for myself, I've got another post started, and i'm gonna work on it for a while, probably it'll turn into another autobied piece of fiction. Like Shoes, who knows.