I lose so many people

Recently I lost another friend. It makes me feel like I will be alone by the time I am out of college. It makes me very very sad. I knew him since I was a kid, now he's gone, like so many others. I haven't smiled or laughed since then, I feel like I cannot anymore. I miss my friend.

fat

Pounds weigh more than I'm used to.
I feel slow.
Heavy.
My feet are stuck to the ground.
I can make them move.
But not easily.
Speaking takes effort.
Thinking takes more.
I am fat.

ToDo

an example of one night's homework:
Matsci Hwk
Matsci Lab Report
Matsci prelab
Matsci study (quiz)
Physics Hwk
IEA Hwk
Calc Hwk
Calc study (quiz and test)
CAD Lab assignments (two weeks worth)

yay! Another sleepless night!, but if I get it all done then I'm pretty much set through spring break!

plans

Ok. Summer plans. Ok. Looks like. Working at RPI as an RA, making a little money that way, maybe taking chem 2. Maybe living in the house for the rest of the summer and working somewhere else...it all really depends. Hopefully I'll be able to take chem 2, work as an RA, and get a job doing research. Then I'd make some more serious money, and get chem 2 under my belt. I really either want to do that or take chem 1 again if I can't take chem 2, because I feel really bad whenever I see such a bad grade on my transcript. And I'm ashamed whenever I need to send it to anyone. Plus that's going to be part of my field, so it wouldn't be bad to have a further knowledge of the field. That's just what's going through my head right now. We'll see. Also doing a dual w/ meche seems to be a real possibility, and really feasible too. SO maybe that too!

snow

It snowed a lot up in Gilboa. I'm planning on spending some time there maybe this break, so I'll try to get pictures up or something eventually.

been a while

So I've got a little more free time on my hands now. Wrestling ended for me on saturday, that's about 6 hours a day more time I now have. It's kindof crazy how much effort I put into it, now that I'm not constantly involved I still think about it, when I eat, when I'm hungry, all the time cause I can't really walk properly... With two injuries, my knee and my shoulder, I'm suffering. I want to be able to go to the gym and run, or lift. Or even to do exercises at home when I'm frustrated, and I can't. I feel like I've spent so much of this school year at a physical disadvantage, and an academic one too, and I'm tired of it. I miss being on top of things all the time, because as much as I try to keep up here, I always manage to just keep up with things. I procrastinate a lot, but I get a lot of work done too. I just wish I didn't have as much as I do. I have to drop economics this semester, which really bums me out, but I missed the first test, he notified us by sending a message to an online service that some of my classes use. I didn't realize we were having a test, and I don't normally go to that class, just read the book to keep up to date and was planning on doing well in all the tests. As the tests count for 25% each (there are 4 of them) and I'm aiming for a 3.6 this semester, I really don't have much of a choice. Maybe next semester I'll actually get to take gen psyche, a class I really look forward to on recommendations of my friends and also the further classes that I can take because of it; psychology of sex, psychology of science, there's a couple others that peaked my interest too. I realize that I haven't done anything really creative in a very long time. All of my distraction time is spent on useless things, surfing the web, reading webcomics. I haven't even been playing WoW, which I regard as a more productive use of my time than what I have been doing. In some respects it feels as if I've lost some time out of my life, I really don't know where my first semester and the first month of second semester has gone. I feel as if I live in this place, but I also feel like I just left High school. Tomorrow(today) is a new day for me, as I'm spending most of the day working on school work to try to get ahead for once, because I had time tonight I actually did some work and am not far behind, so once I catch up I'll be working ahead, and might actually be able to plan some time for myself soon. Spring break is next week/weekend, by then I want to be completely caught up with all my work, and not have anything that I need to focus on over the break, even if that's counter-intuitive. But I really need some time off, time to think even. Hopefully I'll be able to spend a little more time writing here, and get my thoughts and feelings out that way. I miss writing, I miss the texture of the words as they flow through my fingers, but I rarely pick up a pencil except for a class, and if I do it is instead for doodling, or making a grocery list. Never for anything remotely flighty or fictional. I learned today that Lewis Carroll wrote Alice in Wonderland while he was working on his PhD. I find that impressive because I imagine he had less time than me. Maybe I need to work on my time management more. Or maybe I need to start doing things that I value instead of burning my time when I have it. I used to argue with my parents that I needed time off, or time to kill, in order to stay relaxed and not worry so much about school and life and all that, and I still believe that. I just think that I've let it take me over too much, and that I've become more of a lazy bum than I care to believe. It is too easy not to make it to an 8am class just because I had late practice the night before, I'll do the reading and be fine. There have been too many missed homeworks because they don't matter too much. I need to shape up, now that wrestling is over, and as soon as my knee gets good enough to go, I'm going to start running. My goal is to get back down to 175, as a permanent weight, not something that I'm cutting to. Which means I need to go back to eating healthily, but in some ways I look forward to that. I think of it as a challenge to make myself into somebody worthwhile, and I like that.

ayo. Back home. It's interesting. My room feels weird, it's full of not-my-stuff. So I'm sleeping tonight on the couch I think. The living room feels more like home than my room does. The city feels even more like home. I missed it. Tomorrow I gotta get all the presents for people that I've meant to get but haven't had the time. Should be a good time. Till then.
-R

movviieessss I want to see them

first we have Iron man 2:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ps-KqKHpsxo&feature=popular

then we have clash of the titans:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qpZ5D_Wc4cA&feature=popular

and also prince of persia:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JjimeSFrDKg