suffering

there is no such suffering as I am going through right now. I have a headache larger than anything, and my allergies make me feel as if i cannot move without my head exploding. Nothing seems to help at all. On top of all the work that I was supposed to do, and all the work that i AM supposed to do now, this is not what i need. In addition to the physical ramifications of not sleeping for a couple days now (see previous sentence for the reasons). I cannot concentrate on anything, so my mind drifts through all of my past emotions and experiences. The crazy part about insomnia, whether it's real or forced (like mine out of caffiene), is that you are never really sure if you're dreaming or awake, and everything feels ethereal, as if i could blink and someone would appear, or i would be back in vietnam or my home or Julia's house or anywhere. It feels as if i was dancing on the paper edge of reality, and i can feel it cutting my feet ever so slightly every time i move, but i need to keep moving because those burning lines on my feet are the only thing that i know is real, is the truth. I cannot even listen to music now, my head hurts so much, it rivals my body's pain from being awake for so long. If you do not sleep for too long, your muscles begin to go into overproduction, producing more muscle to defend yourself as your normal muscle mass becomes less and less effective without rest. i wonder what would happen if you didn't sleep for a year. I think that i'm looking for a way to snap, but i don't know what or where it is, hopefully it'll be some bitch teacher, who'll come up to me and tell me to do something, and i'll just pop off. That would be fun, even once i get in trouble for it. but i need to keep dancing, just like a monkey on a string, cause that's all we ever are.