frozen ice

it's been a tough month. ever since i got back to this abysmal school-centered life it seems like everything i do is simply another way of trying to avoid realizing how much of my world is simply FORCED to be schooling. 7 hours a day, 5 days a week, 36 weeks a year...thems all majorities, so why do teachers insist on making me suffer even more? extra work, homework, bonus shit, and worse of all, knowing that i'm smart enough to get it all done.

Despite all that schooling, i've remained relatively free willy, except for the grounding by my parents for no real reason (but i don't pay attention to them anymore since all they care about is mah homework). Still been going out, causeing trouble and looking for it....but in a good way?
One of the harderst parts of life right now is reconciling myself with the fact that J now hates my guts more than anything else in this world, that's the hard part, the easy part is knowing why, or listening to her talk about all my problems, and examples of them and reasons that i'm stupid, or insecure, or immature, that i don't understand her, that we never had a relationship of any kind, that she pities me for being so far below her in emotional comprehension, that's the easy part.
Knowing that if i tell my parents everything that happens to me they'll still try to find a way to make me not the enemy, but that i should concentrate on school right now because its important.
In my small and isolated, ignorant, uneducated, foolish, childish world, it's not the school that makes me. But apparently, no one else lives in that world, if they did than maybe we'd be having a party right now, instead of me sitting by myself all alone under a pear tree.