caffiene fail

after taking caffiene for 3 years straight, it ceases to wake me up, and instead suspends me in half-states. half-awake, half-stupid, half-crazy, half-confused, completely tired. morbidity is stupid. My obsession with death is not real, i am simply interested, the same way a man is interested in a woman, or a cat in a moving string. Nothing special, like the simple struggle for survival that suffocates any attempt at self-sustenance. to long for the sleep that brings the same dreams that keep me awake is not the ultimate irony, that is not reserved for me, for i would be too much a fool to believe in myself, and too much an idiot not to. my skin burns with a constant pain that only my own blood can soothe.