end of sat. tired. won my matches, i'm in semi-finals. At least got 6th, if i win one tomorrow i take 2nd at least, first if i win two. I need lots of sleep and painkillers or else i might crumble, but it was a pretty good day. i just want it to be all over and not have to wake up early tomorrow or spend another whole day waiting and a little wrestling.

so today is warren hines, big wrestling meet tonight, if we win we'll clinch second in teh ivy league! which is really exciting. I don't think we'll win, cause they've got a good, and big, team, but we could, and that prospect is exciting. I've got a two day tournament sat/sun. so i doubt that i'll be able to put anything up, but i definately will try, it'll just probably be short and about wrestling (when you ahve 3 wrestling events in as many days that tends to be all you think about).

i might be able to go to the netherlands over spring break/the week before, which would be awesome! i would enjoy it muchos, i'd act as a pseudo chaperone for all the kids, and i'd get to be with all teh dutch kids too! it'd be great. i'm about to go to sleep (at midnight! how amazing is that!) because i have a huge weekend/friday. tomorrow is warren hines, which is exciting, and then i'm staying over at someone's house, and i've got mayor's cup early the next morning till late. Then i have sunday the remainder of mayors if i get through it. I think i will, but it just means a TON of work, and this weekend is gonna be crazy, i can't wait till saturday, cause by then i won't have to worry about anything, i'll just be wrestling, going home w/ my rents, and then wrestling again sun, and that's where i want to be. I'm exhausted, so i'm actually gonna go to sleep, but i'm really excited about wrestling, and even more so about mara coming! It's so crazy, but as soon as i got into RPI, my whole life kinda turned around...like now everything is working for me! it's wonderful.

ok, it's called unrequited love.
Jake if your mom can do anything...i would do ANYTHING for these...they're so nice

http://www.nicekicks.com/nike-air-force-1-2009-black-history-month/#more-19606

Listening to crazy mad amounts of Wu-tang, i'm just clad i have like 7 albums. Today was pretty illin. Classes are mad fun, jokes as usual, cept for G-man's cause he's a fucking stoic, hell yeah jake he mos def is. umm, my recent favorite movie on teh interwebs is this one:
http://www.wimp.com/strongguy/
i want to be able to do that in a little bit, like 5 years, would you be scared of me?
I have amazing news, which is why my life is so great amazing right now. I got news from Mara that she might be coming next week to visit for a week! i'm Souped! Mara is my friend from Belgium who visited over the summer. i'll try to get some pictures of her if she does visit, and put them up, she's really beautiful. Umm that's pretty much it for now, as far as wutang goes, i think i'm on a ghostface kick right now, but still chilling to ODB and Raekwon, and of course all of them together, and the killa bees too. Basically wutang rocks my fucking world, and i'm so upset that i missed out on their concert, but at least their still doing it which means that there might be another one sometime that i can make! I've recently been looking at slightly more complicated shows a little more seriously, less like elemental and more little touches, still not into complex shit going on and mad different colors and things going down on my kicks, but more like the octopussy dunks here:
http://www.myairshoes.com/category/custom-sneakers

which are hot as fuck i think.
Ite that's all for now.

had to put this up;

http://www.cracked.com/article_15231_7-reasons-21st-century-making-you-miserable.html

it's ironic that i'm blogging about it, but i really enjoyed reading it, more feedback later maybe.

this qualifies as later:
i was rereading mah last blog, and realized that i hadn't done any of the things i had talked about, i'm gonna try to do a review :P but it's not gonna be too long.

808s and Hearbreaks-Kanye West

So i listened to this album a few times through, cause i enjoyed it definatley. But, it is NOT hiphop, and it is NOT R&B. Kanye gets a lot of respect for what he's been doing, he's really the first VERY famous producer, and most of his songs show up all of tehr the place, combining pseudo-hiphop with weird and amazing beats and rythms that combine and contrast with his lyrics amazingly. I have to say, i've never been the biggest kanye fan, i like his music alot, obviously, so i don't know why i don't listen to a lot of it, but i never have, and don't as of now. 808s is not gonna win me over, it's all love song-esque, which makes sense cause that's the album, but i know for me, and a lot of other people out there, i don't just want love songs to good beats, i want GOOD songs to good beats, yes i know that's implying that love songs or sappy songs aren't good songs, but can you honestly think of a time when you're in a good mood and not missing someone or thinking about someone or something like that when you want to listen to a sappy song? seriously, like what if your working out? or walking down the street? or sitting at home playing video games, you don't want no bullshit whiney james blunt taking his clothes off...you want something that engages your tingly earbuds, 808s just doesn't do that to me the same way graduation or late regestration did, i think kanye is slipping too much into his stereotype, like a lot of people listen to his music AS crooney soft tones stuff, so he's pandering to that crowd, but at the same time, while i might not be his paying listener or target audience, he's still losing me, and probably others too. Overall, is a good album, but not one that i need to listen to too much, going on the rack for now, but i'm def not deleting it.

Hey everybody! I got into college. my life is good. This weekend was pretty wild crazy fun, but mainly it's just all about not having ANYTHING THAT I HAVE TO DO. Seriously folks, if you ever get into college and then take all your midterms you'll know what i mean. Suddenly i have nothing i have to do, i'm still living at home w/ the rents, so i don't need to take care of my own food and sleep either, although i'm planning on getting a job once wrestling ends...in 3 weeks (where does the time go?) but i'll figure that out when i get there, cause i'm gonna be doing an intense workout program w/ khalil i hope, and also we might get a job together, cant you imagine us working at your local supermarket? just throwing stuff around and slowly helping a couple costumers? haha. I even wrote a poem about it, but it's really funky and so i think i'll turn it into a lymeric, but i need more words yet, so i need more time before i put it up. So my crazy movie downloading has slowed way down, probably because my internet has as well, which means it's fine for looking at pictures and blogs and comics, youtube too, but it's not ok on the massive downloading of large files thing, it even still works playing WoW. So idk why it is tailor-messed up jsut to screw with my domepiece, but it is. I've decided that i'm gonna start posting on this blog whenever i think about it, cause i think, oh i should put that up, at least 3 times a day, and that'll make this thing more reasonable.

So if i remember correctly, what's gone thorugh my head today:
i like these:
http://www.pickyourshoes.com/new4/nike_air_force_2_hi_vroy_wht_flint.htm

I think the bobbito army's that i liked have gone UP in price...which is a shame cause if i can't aford a buck 25 than i def can't go buck 89... but i'll prolly just wait and find them on ebay or something from some rich kid.

Life is good

oh, i have mad new games, lemme play some.

Life is good.

ummm, delicious key lime pie.... I'm hungry.
http://www.reluctantgourmet.com/keylime.htm

games.

and that's pretty much up to date!
Some of you may be wondering why there isn't anythinking about girls at all, and some of you might infact be impressed by my ability to resist thinking about girls all day as a teenage boy, but that would be completely false, i decided not to put my thoughts of girls down unless they're special *either special thoughts or special girls* because it just happens constantly....i guess i really am an immature teenager after all right? it's a trap!

In other news, i'm really excited for these next three weeks because I get to finish wrestling, meaning i get a couple rematches. Then i get a lot more time, plus i get to start some new classes i've been looking forward to that i'll be in. But nothing will be too hard (that's what she said). Pretty much my life seems set up, which is amazing.
This past weekend i finally got to some serious celebration of that fact, meaning most of the weekend, and it felt really relaxing, it's been way too long since i've been out all night every night, and i HAVE missed it. umm great song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gX8cIdXlHuU&feature=rec-HM-fresh+div
don't take it at face value, it IS a southpark song, and it's hilarious.
On my to do list:
keep working on tha webcomic, i'm thinking the name might be: "tripping for luck"
an old expression that idk where it came from, but i just remembered it a while ago, and really liked it, like oh im tripped for luck, meaning im lucky, but by accident, i guess it also plays on the concept of making your own luck *often a line in business shit* which i've never had much use for. You don't make luck, you make other things, but luck is still luck. That's all for now, probably more later when i'm up too late as usual, thanks dad, and can't fall asleep.

this weekend was pretty crazy. I had quite an emotional rollercoaster. Obviously there were moments when i was so happy, because of college and no work and eveyrthing, but there were also several pensive moments for me, and a couple sad ones too. To begin with, I celebrated in both the classic sense of things and in my own; i chilled with one of my best friends and played video games and drank soda and ate food until the wee hours of the morning. I also went out and got raving drunk and all. I also ended up sleeping with a girl i knew ok, it was kinda awkward cause i was at her house, in her bed, with a bunch of people passed out alla round the house, and i kept getting phone calls at like 1 in the morning, so i would slip out of bed and run down the hall to pick up where no one was passed out, and then i'd go back to bed, and get another call, it was just kinda entertaining. That's the real reason that i like txts a lot more...less volume, heh. Anyway. This weekend was also the mass and memorial for my friend, and i made my peace with myself about him; i finished the piece for him, idk what to do with it now, maybe i should throw it out or something symbolic? who knows, i'm just glad that i can finaly not think about him all the time. So my parents can still find things to argue with me about, so i guess it wasn't just the pressure of college that got us at odds with each other. been listening to some good music too, new ppl are: dark moor, gamma ray, avantasia, rhapsody of fir, steel attack, angra, cascada(whole albums stead of just singles), luda's new album (theater of the mind), kanye's new album (808s and heartbreaks), P.K.O., Bone Thugs. Old ppl: N.W.A., Biggie Smalls (prep for notorious), M.O.P., Kool G. Rap, Jadakiss, Styles P, Dipset, Slick Rick.
old and new denotes my listening to them, not necissarily their actual release newer or older. I have so many wishes for this blog, but if i was to fulfill them all than i would have to never actually do anything else, and i feel a little bad about it because i'm pretty sure only like 3 people even glance at my blog :-/ oh well. I think i'm gonna end up doing a vlog, cause i like the concept, and i think it'll helpe w/ me not liking the way i look, plus i'm camera shy, and i doubt anybody's seen me shy in a long time, so it'll be fun i hope. So here's things on my to do list for the blog: Resolutions, writing(part 2), music reviews of the newest shit, and new movie reviews; i saw 3 of them, mall cop (mad funny and stupid and predictable), some bollywood kung fu movie (mad funny and interesting and cool, good movie), and the wrestler ( amazing movie, i really enjoyed it muchos, maybe seeing it again w/ pops). Another thing, anyone thing i should start tagging posts as particular things? y/n gimme feedback! i like hearing from people.

I got into college!

dreams drift through the nightline of my imagination.
So i pluck the slimy ones, hoping their more satisfying,
than the crunchy ones.
slipping them down my throat to fill an empty tank.
trying to recharge DC batteries with unconverted power.
like licking the third rail.
I never work out.

So i officially fail at college apps... my computer took too long to load the page and then i had a date wrong and before i could load it again i had passed the deadline and it wouldn't send. That's some fucked up shit. So i guess that despite all my extra work i'm not applying to Case Western! yay... That's just the way things worked out. I hope that i just get in tomorrow and don't need to worry about it. but I have this feeling that i won't. I don't want to get deferred. I want to get rejected, if they're not gonna let me in, let me know, dont' tell me later. FUCK. Tomorrow is gonna suck so much, i wish we could skip days, and then it owuld just be saturday and i'll be sleeping at my friends house ready to go out on the town knowing whether or not i've gotten into college. It's the waiting that kills me, and specially w/ an app or something it's not that bad "during" it, like when i wrestle i don't care while i'm wrestling, i'm just doing it. I guess i'm just bitter. Like always.

lemme know what you think about this style. I like it, but i've learned almost every time i try to do something that what i think about something rarely is the same as what someone else thinks. Specially when it comes to liking or not liking things. I wish things were easy.

new format.

writing (part 1)

Blood drips. Regularly. Drip. Drip. Drip.
I can't see, but that's ok, i don't want to see. I don't want to know. I'd rather be blind than watch my friends die while i'm helpless.
Something deep inside me vomits at the thought. Puking disappointment all over my insides.
Painting with internal disgust. I try to move my arm, but it's stuck, and a sharp pain runs down the cuts on my forearm. My throat twists to scream but locks. No sound slips out my bruised vocal chords. i lift my fingers to my eyes and scrape away the dried blood.
Cold and congealed, it's long since left the body it came from, probably mine.
My left eye won't open, it feels swollen to the size of an apple, but my fingers find only a small lump for my eyeball.
My right eye opens, flaking some dried blood off my eyelid.
No depth perception.
No sense of reality.
I know it's a dream.
Right?
There are three dead bodies in front of me. I don't know any of them, the only sign of their death is the gunshot wounds through all six temples.
Holes like jesus's wrists.
Slowly oozing black thick blood.
i press my palms against the wet floor and pry my crushed and twisted body up from it's collapse.
All of the pain ive ever felt comes crashing down on my physical body, and i can stand
Barely.
The pain gives me motive.
gives me anger
gives me strength
it always has.
My hat is still pristine
Hanging from the doorknob that marked one of the exits from the room.
My name is not Leonard Shelby, so i ake time to recollect my memories. To gather the shards that really were my whole tired person.
I put together the outer shell of a Human. Me.
Who i am is defined by what I have done. What have I done.
and why.


That's as good a place as any to end. so far i haven't said anything. I guess i do that a lot.

maybe the intro to an exciting story, maybe not, gimme some feedback you think i should go fantasy/epic tale? or dark and dreary? or sci-fi twisted world? or any combo of them? or real depressing life? gimme options.

comicscan

i'm trying to figure out how to start a webcomic, cause i love them so much, but i draw in my own book, not on the computer, and i don't have a scanner. If anyone has ideas, like a program to draw in or somthing, i would appreciate input. thanks everyone.

Birds fly overhead.
blood drips as tears from my face,
I can't say goodbye.

sad

I found out that one of my friends committed suicide today, he used to go to Trinity and went to Cornell. He was a really fun guy, a wrestler, and always smiling whenever i saw him.

word

I have a test for everyone who reads this or doesnt or w/e anyone does. the only requirement for this test is honesty, but it's very simple and we won't judge you for whether or not you say yes or no. This is one of my favorite poems:

Once there was a man who dwelt
Above the lofty peaks of stone
Above the misty clouds forlorn
In silent tears he dwelt alone

In hardened task one day he saw
A maiden shining with dark sad eyes
Like icy spears they pierced him with
Her shadowed sorrow and mourning cries

What power in heaven could ever move
This long forsaken man to speak
Who hid between the mountains cold
Who hid behind the icy peak

O woman! Why do you cry?
What burden do you bear?
Unknown to me it breaks my heart
Is no one left to care?

Come and let me share your pain
Above the lofty peaks of stone
Above the misty clouds forlorn
In silent tears but not alone


It's by someone. without looking it up (of course) do you know who it is?
answer in a comment, i don't care if it's anonymous or not. I just love this poem, a lot.
I've started making new years resolutions, and haven't posted in a week, and feel bad about it, but i've been so busy i don't really have time to feel bad. I shouldn't even be doing anything but work, but if i don't get something down i'll explode. I'm really sorry for a lot of things, most of them are gonna remain private at least for now, but i wanted to apologize for this blog turning into a self-obsessed garbage can, i did not intend it that way, and as i have more free time, hopefully it'll become much more interesting and ingaging for everyone. So i'm starting with that poem, as my origin. Hopefully i'll get my resolutions and my last year summary up too, and please post yours if you feel like it, as comments cause i can't give unrestricted access.

news year

Jusrt stumbled home, going to bed. 2009. i't s a big one.