ayo. Back home. It's interesting. My room feels weird, it's full of not-my-stuff. So I'm sleeping tonight on the couch I think. The living room feels more like home than my room does. The city feels even more like home. I missed it. Tomorrow I gotta get all the presents for people that I've meant to get but haven't had the time. Should be a good time. Till then.
-R

movviieessss I want to see them

first we have Iron man 2:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ps-KqKHpsxo&feature=popular

then we have clash of the titans:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qpZ5D_Wc4cA&feature=popular

and also prince of persia:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JjimeSFrDKg

NEW playlist!

Ok I got tired of it and made a new one, this one is dance music, stuff you'd find at a party kinda thang, it's not the NEWEST ish, but it's a mix of oldies but goodies and a coupla newer things.

sorry if some of the tracks don't work, not my fault! blame playlist.com

striptease playlist!!

I'm tired of studying Chemistry, put it up to the side ->
if you like it, say so! it's weird and unconventional ->
lemme know if you think it works ->

must listen

new guys on the block, The ILLZ, they're real good; I've been swamped under with work or else I would be writing reviews like crazy, so much good music's been hitting the streets it's ridiculous! Basically they're remixing easy listening tracks and interesting things with dope rhymes and awesome flow. specially for those who appreciate indie music etc. *ahem I'm looking at you jess ahem* you'll love these guys




http://www.mediafire.com/?sharekey=530dd07302b4f5f224a64199ac7f73e5b8aafd470b51abe7a9a26c4ed87536eb

beautiful snowflakes

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1236779/Snowflakes-coolest-shapes-planet-beautiful-close-up.html

Love kats

http://funnypagenet.com/cat-showdown/

My final lit project, some has been up here, some hasn't

Russell Meredith
A Collection of Memories and Dreams

Shoes
This is a bad kid. The type that you walk by very quickly and look back a lot. One of those kids who make you think about how much money everything you’re wearing costs. The suitcase that you left at your friend’s house is probably worth more than all the clothes he owns. You don’t feel sorry for him; he’s poor for a reason. Calling him a kid makes you feel better, but he’s almost a man. He’s just a kid. No threat. His eyes glance at you, and you feel a chill, they aren’t one color. Not green, or blue, or grey. They change even as he turns away. You can’t get enough. Staring at him, you absorb every facet of his appearance. Then you notice the shoes, light brown with a stripe of green running across them, they look fresh from the box with their white laces unscuffed. They’re the only thing on him that looks like it cost more than 10$. A girl gets on at Fulton Street; she looks like she’s about 20. Instantly your gaze drops, making sure that her body is really as incredible as your peripheral vision told you. As she crosses the car to him and pulls the headphones off his ears, every male looks at her. He grins at her and then kisses her, almost causing a sigh of regret among the men in the car, but you just stand and watch as she snuggles into him, revealing that his body only takes up half the space inside of his sweatshirt. More kids get on, they all know him. You watch as the group gathers all types of kids, girls and guys, blacks, Asians, Latinos, whites, it doesn’t matter. He greets all of them, and they surround him. You keep looking at him, filled with envy. A seat opens up, and they let him sit down. The girl sits on his lap, shifting around until she’s sure he’s noticed her figure. He puts his head back and closes his eyes, and then you notice something. He’s the focus of their attention; he’s what draws them together. They worship and respect and love and like him, this bad kid. But he’s all alone. None of them really listen to him, that’s why they all follow him. You suddenly remember what he looked like, before they came. Isolated in his own world even in the midst of his friends. Another kid walks on, goes up to him, and lightly slaps him around the girl. His eyes open and he blinks a couple times at the kid standing in front of him. Suddenly a real smile lights up his face. You watch in amazement as he loses all of the threatening nature that you saw before. This friend opens his mouth, “Nice shoes.”


A Simple Dance

If eyes could taste as sweet as yours,
I would never need to eat.
But could feast on sight of you.
A privilege to sit and stare.
Drinking you.
Like a man parched
for beauty, instead
filled with sight.
No equal earth angel, beauteous in my eye
beheld not for love but for hope,
grace, wonder, a smile.
All synonyms in my eyes, a strange singularity.
Love does not create beauty,
we are only dragons, and our beauty creates love.
Jealousy spawns not from possession, from loss,
a hoardless, mindless, beardless beast
to wander alone, no glint or glitter,

Until my head is full and belly empty
for want of thanks to give,
I'll trade away my eyes
to save my memories.

I want the world to know, not
of my happiness, but of my reasons
my Beauty.
The sparkle in one half closed eye and barely recognized
with too much sleep.
Stare into me, and find hope, troubles, a smile,
not all of them are mine, but to give freely,
and envy not.
We cannot lose a great love,
but we can hide it in a cave,
send lonely nights by day to slay it.
And mourn the charred remains we hope to find
crumpled on a carpeted floor,

Until my head is full and belly empty
for want of thanks to give,
I'll trade away my eyes
to save my memories.

So simple,
you cannot argue
logically with faith,
you cannot rationalize with any weight of hear.
Measure well that quality-like of dreams,
because you cannot cheat Egyptian scales,
I am forced to pick a forked road,
I will take neither path, nor fork, but
Sit,

Until my head is full and belly empty
for want of thanks to give,
I'll trade away my eyes
to save my memories.

You mean that much to me,
why,
I tell you sometimes,
in the dark,
and light and,
cold.
You keep me warm,
you give me hope,
darling, looking in my eyes while I stare at you,
that sparkle dancing is you, who already know.
You are the dreams worth having,
that make my eyes crinkle for smiling.
Thank you. You already know but read it one more time at least,
let these naked letters dance across your eyelids when you need my voice.
I love you.


Title: A sonnet
Forced ideas don't really fit
into any form:

The clouds drift slowly across the night sky,
Plumes of grey hope in a darkening world.
While the sun is sleeping, never can I,
for night is the sum of my dreams unfurled.
Of course Apollo's globe is beautiful,
but for me, Prometheus' gift
more beautiful by far, beyond a tool,
when dark I watch her dance, her fingers lift,
against the clouds her burning heart is fierce,
I feel her in my bones when the sky sleeps,
just as sharp as cupids arrows pierce
a sharper burn than when a lover weeps,
a darkened night will never tell you lies,
but stars are just as bright as sparkling eyes.


Tears

for all the pain,
waiting to see when it ends,
for my tears to stop,
as happy becomes sad,
my eyes sparkle with hate,
anger,
frustration,
there is nothing I CAN do.
Nothing to hold on to,
everything to lose,
I lost a path I made,
never seeing my footprints before the dust rose.
It's too late,
my dirty shoes slide through mud,
heavier than Hector's heart
when the world I know falls apart,
and I cannot find the time,
to write a verse or line,
describing my dry eyes,
cannot shape the words that pupils speak in silent misery.
Please let it rain,
so I can see god weep,
to make his tears my own,
and feel again.


A helping hand

How much does a dead hand hurt
scraped against a moving ground
trying to catch a falling friend again,
to stop a flying bullet,
to pull 180 pounds of too little.
Even ghosts can dissapate
when you stop believing they exist.
How does a dead hand hurt
does a dead hand hurt
a dead hand hurt
dead hand hurt
hand hurt
hurt.


Just Fingers

Watching her made everything ok. I didn't know why, I still know what. The way that she would just smooth out problems in the paper before drawing on it. Before detailing the surface with charcoal or pencil. She would crease the surface to cover it with color. Her light skin dark now. No sun could ever change her that much, but lead saturated skin shows like sin, black and folded. I always watched her, her eyes, her fingers, her hands, shaping and creating. More function and form than any artistic creation. The art came from expertise. From making exactly the shape and color and image in her head come to this physical reality. It was the most wonderful thing I had ever seen. I miss her hands. Miss watching them make my eyes widen. I cannot think of them doing something else. typing notes for a boss, all I can see is the page infront of me, covered with notes and marks from her nails and palms and fingertips. The ones I would caress with my lips every chance I get. Wrap my tongue inbetween the rings and knuckles and tendons and scars. kiss each inch and crease. Making sure every burn and scrape is covered by me. I miss holding those wonderful magical hands. feeling their life flowing through me. I could never understand how she could have so much power in such a small part of her, and still have so much vitality in the rest. my fingers miss the feel of hers. I miss her dancing hands.

When they Cry

When the wet damp tears fall,
splashing off skin and bone and flesh,
dripping through cloth and softening color,
making flames' cool distance disappear in steam,
until the heat is under my face,
seeping through every pore of my chin,
every aspect of my lips,
fighting to fill every crevice of my mouth.

Like a flower on a sunny day,
do girls dance in the grass?
or is love a show, put on for ignant mice,
scrounging for every scrap of bread
thrown like second-hand smoke to paupers and kids.

do Children dance to the tune of feet?
or do feet dance to child's tune?
can we decide the difference between uninterested and bored?
or are we simply to lazy to care.

when i feel those drops of damp skin,
does it mean that god can cry?
or is it all the age-old tears of slaves;
rolled to the seas and up to clouds,
and back again, to soothe my lonely, wandering feet.



(untitled)
Birds fly overhead.
blood drips as tears from my face,
I can't say goodbye.



Memories
Blood drips. Regularly. Drip. Drip. Drip.
I can't see, but that's ok, i don't want to see. I don't want to know. I'd rather be blind than watch my friends die while i'm helpless.
Something deep inside me vomits at the thought. Puking disappointment all over my insides.
Painting with internal disgust. I try to move my arm, but it's stuck, and a sharp pain runs down the cuts on my forearm. My throat twists to scream but locks. No sound slips out my bruised vocal chords. i lift my fingers to my eyes and scrape away the dried blood.
Cold and congealed, it's long since left the body it came from, probably mine.
My left eye won't open, it feels swollen to the size of an apple, but my fingers find only a small lump for my eyeball.
My right eye opens, flaking some dried blood off my eyelid.
No depth perception.
No sense of reality.
I know it's a dream.
Right?
There are three dead bodies in front of me. I don't know any of them, the only sign of their death is the gunshot wounds through all six temples.
Holes like jesus's wrists.
Slowly oozing black thick blood.
i press my palms against the wet floor and pry my crushed and twisted body up from it's collapse.
All of the pain ive ever felt comes crashing down on my physical body, and i can stand
Barely.
The pain gives me motive.
gives me anger
gives me strength
it always has.
My hat is still pristine
Hanging from the doorknob that marked one of the exits from the room.
My name is not Leonard Shelby, so i ake time to recollect my memories. To gather the shards that really were my whole tired person.
I put together the outer shell of a Human. Me.
Who i am is defined by what I have done. What have I done.
and why.


1
Dreams are always a testament to life
so full of all the fear and stress and strife,
for conscious minds don't always realize,
the yin and yang of life are truth and lies.
When sleeping always twisted mem'ries rise,
Believable though all logic denies,
for truth's the hardest thing to see in eyes.

2
I look into the dead eyes each day,
living zombies whose slavery is work.
Prince charles is a teacher,
when i call i never reach her,
too busy to fix the world,
too cold to turn up the heat for,
the freezing children I
love,
like a bullet, molten metal kills
this planet, but who's choice is it?
not the children,
the knowledge fix is broken,
i can feel the chill from hell
seeping through my bones.
I cannot wait much longer,
can't help,
too cold.


3
you say "l vie est belle"
but i cannot see the cave i can't
escape.
How do you cry, i learned
not to.
why can I feel their
pain.
But not my own.
Am I wrong to want
nothing at all except
sleep.
Can't dream for thoughts,
can't sleep for dreams,
can't think straight, so my
sleep is twisted.
Beautiful night opens for my
pleasure.
Day runs from me, seeking
solace from my dry eyes,
afraid,
I am, was, and will be,
but i don't know what.


To Dream of Death

soft rain patters on the skull of my hollow shell,
sounding musical pain taking this life down to hell,
i can't see for the steam coming off my hot skin,
inward anger burns my soul til its charred black as sin.

oh darling girl of dreams and dust,
where can I find the will to trust,
my shining armor degraded, rust,
decayed by senseless yearnings, lust.
protect my soul, keep it contained,
no, not a single piece remains,
for it taints the world, the stage, the game,
I just want peace instead of fame.

now when the night falls into place
my heart beats at a faster pace,
relishing the dark, the smell of mace,
and women wearing too much lace,
because my life's a turtle race,
and i am just a snail.

Please destiny, you're not too kind,
Why can't you ease my racing mind,
you're deep dark eyes are heavy lined,
with no sleep left, no time to find,

When molten tears from Pompeii's curse, fall open faced,
Landscapes, children, homes and heads turn into waste,
perverting my senses till ash saturates my taste,
how crime and punishment interlace,
you can't hear screams in rapture's grace.

Beautiful girl who rules my life,
I wish you were my friend and wife,
You're a reflection in my knife,
hinting at a final end to strife,
but though your offer does entice,
my mind listens to your advice,
and never makes the terminal slice,
i can't afford so high a price.


Shoes Relaced
If you ever find one you love, get a ton of them so you can always wear them. The perfect pair. They're too much money, but you don't care. You look all over for them, and keep finding replacements, almost right, but not exactly. It can get so hectic you worry about being able to tell if they're the right ones. They're gorgeous, the right size, shape, color. You can only imagine them on your feet. Cost too much, but it doesn't matter, you would sacrifice everything for them, just to feel them, own them. That is what love is, and you always know when it hits you. Sometimes it sneaks up with time, but that's different, that's when you wear a pair to death and can't imagine not having them. They're comfortable and grimey, but still fly as fuck. The perfect pair is both. Beautiful from the start, but just keep getting better as you wear them. I want a girl like that.


Jenny

She was nine.
One of the most amazing girls I ever knew.
Her presence lit up the room.
Never in the background, always the center of attention, of activity.
She never walked anywhere,
running to get to where people could laugh with her,
and smile.
I lived with her,
helped her learn,
showed her how to make things:
She already knew how to climb trees.
We would walk through the park together,
pointing out people and describing their entire life,
down to every point they didn't know themselves
She was the most descriptive girl I had met.
Talking hours about a simple blade of grass,
the color,
the depth,
the mind,
the soul,
its dreams,
hopes,
sorrows.
Picking apart every piece of everything
until she knew it all.
More than me
more than anyone.
I was there for her because she needed me,
no.
Because she wanted me.
She controlled her life.
Completely.
But she was only 9.
This world was older.
Far older.
There are so many things that she never got to know.
So many books I have to give her.
She wanted to know why dwarf stars are called dwarves.
I didn't know, I never found out,
she would have looked it up.
For her I keep going.
Because she would never let me stop.
No matter what or who I lost.
Especially herself.
I have memories with her,
Ones I will never get over.
The kind that won't change with time.
Cement in my mind.
I have her in my heart.
Every time I dream.
Every time I sleep.
Every time.
I can hold her.
I can't stop time.
I cannot stop death.
There is nothing to bring her back from no where.
No way to see her again in life.
Ok.
I've seen death before,
I know it.
Tasted it,
breathed it,
but I have never felt it this way before.
No one dies the same.
We are what we make in people,
and she made a lot.
The best of any little sister.
Anyone could ask for more.
No one did.
I do not know who won't miss her.
I do not know who can't miss her.
I will, I do.
She never accepted that I could not sleep,
because I always would stay up with her.
Reading late,
keeping her up to find out what happens
in the next chapter.
That is why it is so painful.
There is no next chapter in her life.
Some people write short stories.
Some people write novels.
Neither is better or worse,
sometimes the shortest two words can have the most impact.
Occasionally you need a tome to tell you what no poem can.
It is simple.
My head is not a separate part of me,
I feel with every piece of my body,
every section of anything connected to me.
Everything can hurt.
I hate words that can never describe who she was.
You had to be there.
With her.
And I wasn't.
Couldn't be.
So I never got to say goodbye.
To a small little body.
That used to be my sister.

new snow

This is at RPI. Snowing. Pardon my retarded speaking during it, couldn't help myself.

what's good!

That's maybe my favorite things.
also it's amazing.
Also it's upstate.

I got a mediafire account, so now I put some serious dope ish up. If you want some, hit me up for the weblink.

it's not done yet... pologies, but w/e, figgered I'd put up some, get the rest up whenever I get around to it. Been pretty busy.
-R

story? not sure if I threw this up already or not, oh well

Her smile lit up the room. Every time I saw her, that’s the first thing I noticed. When no one else was looking I couldn’t help myself, I had to see her smile. That’s when I decided that no matter what, I had to make her happy. Any romantic will tell you that their love’s happiness is the most important thing, but for me, it was special, that smile was all that mattered in my life. We became friends easily, I’m good at making people smile, and she liked how happy I always was around her. I approached a couple of her friends, asking about relationships and boyfriends in the past, doing my research so that I wouldn’t hurt her the same way someone else had, learning from their mistakes. She was kinda seeing this guy who I knew, a real asshole, and she knew it too, so I waited. It got back to her that he was sleeping with 3 other girls while trying to tell her she was the only one for him. That was too much, and I was there when she was sad because it was so much fun. That was the worst time for me, with her unsmiling, even for me, I couldn’t handle things, I had to make it better. I started giving her flowers, just to see a grin at how silly I was being. From flowers I gave her what she wanted, books, movies, things I was recommending to her, things she needed. One day she stopped me and asked, what I thought I was trying to do. My answer was really simple. I was trying to make her smile again. I should have told her a long time ago. Just that simple answer sparked her lips, and they matched my dreams. I could not help myself, and just stared at her, she’s so beautiful. She asked
“like this?”
I had no words for her, there was nothing I could say to match the happiness flooding through my veins. I answered her the only way I could, I took her hand and placed it to my lips, feeling every line and rough callous. Kissing every sign of her life on her palms, I moved to her wrist, and felt her pulse beat against my tongue, sending shivers through me. I knew what I was doing, but I wanted her to know too, I looked at her, and she had stopped smiling, her mouth was slightly parted with her breath slipping out between moist lips as she stared at me.
“Yes…”
she whispered as I took a step closer and slipped my arm around her waist. Pulling her close was made easier by her eagerness to be pressed up against me. I looked around her room, there was a double bed in the corner, and a couch pushed up against the wall. She must have seen the look in my eyes, because she took a step back, flashed me a smile from heaven, and slowly started unbuttoning her shirt, one button at a time. Revealing a little skin and then a little more, until I could not contain myself and I moved forward. She danced back away from me, placing a delicate hand on my chest to keep me away. She pushed me back and I tripped over the couch, flopping down into the corner. She giggled and turned around, flipping her shirt down so I could see the smooth skin of her shoulders and back, the plain black of her bra in contrast with her golden body. I figured I was dreaming, that there was no way the girl I had been wanting for months was here with me, and that she would be mine alone. My eyes followed her shirt to the ground, and then slid back up her body, absorbing every inch and ounce of her. She turned around and gave me a shy little smile, sparking a huge one of my own. Giving her the admiration she deserved with my eyes I stood up and stepped close. Feeling her skin with my fingers, being as delicate as I could I traced small designs all over her bare back and arms. I let my fingers fall down and pulled my own shirt off, needing to feel her with more than my hands. I lowered my lips to her collarbone, kissing and nibbling on the bone structure beneath her soft skin. Placing little wet kisses up to her neck, where I pressed my lips against her life veins and held her close, feeling her heart beat against my chest and mouth at the same time. My fingers spread wide on her lower back and pulled her hips into mine, feeling her press up against me all the way down to her leg wrapped around mine. I returned the favor with my left arm, locking it around her hips, and picked her up till our faces were directly in front of each other. I felt my heart speed up as I looked deeply into her eyes. I had never noticed before, brown tinged with streaks of green, patterning them to depict her emotions. I saw her sadness covered by a mask, I could see her hope and desire for something she could hold on to and never have to leave. I felt my throat tighten and I couldn’t look away, and then I saw her smile again, and I understood why her smile was the only one I needed. She had been so sad that her happiness had real value, that any time she smiled, it was all of her joy expressed at once. I wanted to make her eyes smile forever. So I kissed them. I kissed every part of her face over and over, carefully avoiding her lips when she tried to catch mine. i felt her hands on my face, her elbows on my chest, she pulled my head straight in front of her and leaned forward. I felt the instant our lips touched in my whole body, I could taste her love, her satisfaction, her desire, and her happiness on my tongue, and I could not help but share it with her. As my tongue slipped inside her lips and danced along the edges of her tongue I felt her melt against my body, and it was more than I could handle. I stepped to the bed without removing my lips from hers, opening my eyes to stare at her face, so open and closed at the same time. I placed her down on the bed, leaning over her and slowly placed my lips back on her neck, right next to her jawline, I could feel her breathe as her chest lifted up against mine and then receded, both of our skins sticking to each other, trying to hold on to contact a little longer. I moved lower, placing my mouth against the edge of her bra, slipping along her curves. Lining her front with a row of little wet imprints from my lips tracing from her neck down to the button on her jeans.

What's good!

checking out them email-blog posts.  That'll keep it easier to update this shizzz. What's good ninjaahhs!
-R

destroyed a chem test :) feeling better. Maybe I'll even sleep tonight!
-R

poetry notes

there's a poetry contest? maybe? money? maybe? doubt I'll get anything but it can't hurt to throw my poem in there right? maybe? who knows. But this is a rough draft of something I wrote, figured they'd appreciate a love poem more than the stuff I usually write so I tried my hardest (if anyone is interested: http://www.poetry.com/poetry-contests/ check it out):

If eyes could taste as sweet as yours,
I would never need to eat.
But could feast on sight of you,
a privilege to sit and stare.
Drinking you in.
Like a man parched for beauty, instead
filled with sight.
No equal earth angel, beauteous in my eye
beheld not for love but hope,
grace, wonder, a smile.
Synonyms to my eyes, a strange singularity.
Love does not create beauty.
We are but dragons, and our beauty creates love.
Jealousy spawns not from possession, but from loss,
a hoardless, mindless, beardless beast,
to wander alone, no glint or glitter

I want the world to know, not
of my happiness, but of that which creates it.
My beauty.
the sole sparkle in one half closed eye and barely recognized
with too much sleep.
Stare into mine, and find my hope, my troubles, my smile
not all of them are mine, but to give freely,
and envy not.
We cannot lose a beast so great,
but we can hide it in a cave,
send knights by day to slay it,
and mourn the charred remains of hate we find
crumpled on a carpeted floor somewhere in Brooklyn.

As simply as you cannot argue
logically with faith,
you cannot rationalize with any weight of heart.
Measure well that quality of dreams,
because you cannot consciously cheat Anubis
I cannot know what I must gather,
so instead I am forced to go pick on a forked road,
I will take neither path nor fork, but
sit.

until my head is full and belly empty
for want of thanks to give
I'll trade away my eyes
to keep my memories.

You mean that much to me, I can't explain
why because
I tell you sometimes
in the dark
and light and
cold.
You keep me warm,
you give me hope,
darling, looking in my eyes while I stare at you,
that sparkle dancing is from you, who already know.
You are the dreams worth having,
that make my eyes crinkle for smiling.
Thank you. You already know but read it one more time at least,
and let my naked letters dance across your eyelids when you need my voice,
and I have none.
I love you.

finally

it's snowing. :)

amazing movie

http://www.novamov.com/video/f2zosdjpv72ew

it's frikken incredible.

tis the season

bad news

I stayed up three nights in a row studying for this chem test (it was at 8AM this morning) and I decided to get a power nap in before going. Forgot to set my phone off vibrate, slept through all but 7 minutes of the test. That's a zero, which has a couple of effects. Chem is my weakest class, so it pulls my grade down even further. I need to keep a 3.2 to maintain a few of my scholarships, so without them, because I doubt I can get a 3.2 if I don't do well in chem, I don't know if I can return next year. It looks like if I ace the last test(there are 3 of them) and the final both I would pull a 76, that's a C, and the only way to pull above a 3.2 is to get an A- in calc, comp sci and intro to lit. I need all three above a 90, AND I need to ace(perfect 100s) the last test and the final. I don't believe that to be possible, but I'm gonna try.

comp sciiii

Stayed up all night writing a comp sci program, good thing I don't have classes till my 3pm calc class that I don't go to... :) plus my program is the SHIT! :D

crazy week

This week I've got so much shit to do, so I'll be up mad late most nights, hopefully I'll also be listening to some of the music that I've got on my list so I'll get some more reviews up. Went up to RISD this weekend, saw Mari and Benji. It's weird to see people and talk about shit from back in high school. Meh. Long bus ride, been looking at trucks, I want to see if I can get one second semester or next year or something. That would be type illin'. Also been working on comp sci, I'm really enjoying this shit, thinking I might want to minor or double in it maybe, we'll see, my schedule is jam-packed already. Goals for next semester: classes starting at 10 every day, nothing after 5(wrestling). Maybe a day off(friday or monday). That would be perfect, if I could get classes from 11-4 every day except monday. that would be perfect. that's a good 20 credit hours... 5 every day except monday. Hope I can swing something like that, then I can sleep late every day, get enough sleep, still get to my classes and then have time for wrestling. This semester everything is spread out and ridiculous, so its mad annoying to remember all the shit I need to take care of in a day. Oh well, it is what it is. The weekend was amazing. One of the best I've ever had, but I only did a little work, not a ton like I shoulda. meh. Also watched the original Frankenstein on the bus ride. It's so fucking good...why did we stop making good horror movies in favor of shit like saw 6....retarded. Just thought I'd drop a line or two, gotta get back to work before class. One love.

Quick note

I like some of these shirt designs:
SHirts

and a really interesting(how fitting) site:
http://www.damninteresting.com

and for all you book nerds out there, if you don't already know about it:
Books

A short story I really like:
Story

and something delicious:
Mmmm

that's all!
-Russ

reviews

So here's a couple new ones:
Only built 4 Cuban Linx pt II by Raekwon
-This album is money. A real quick summary is to say it's a flash back to good old Wu stylez with a lot of new age hiphop/rNb style mixed in, without trying to conform to the new ways or anything. Use of harsh lyrics and uncompromising rhyme mixed to catchy hooks and beats makes a killer album. Featuring most of the Wu, in true "solo" wu album style, it's really a collab from the whole gang, but Raekwon also included a few of my favorite old school rap stars: Styles P, slick rick, and jadakiss, as well as others on various tracks. Amazing old school track that really flashed me back; "House of Flying Daggers" made me wish it was still the days the Wu ruled (arguably they still do...). Almost every track is on point, except for one, which IS point; "mean streets". It's got message, impact, power, a money hook, and the flow of experienced rappers knowing what they're talking about. Blew my mind, def not party music as is, but all together they really stepped up and put out an amazing album, once again, the Wu is on top.

Ghostdini by Ghostface Killah
-On the other side of the Wu, as well as featuring on Raekwon's new album, Ghostface put out his own album, and I don't believe he featured a single other member of the Wu. Impressive album, Ghostface pulls through again with great flow, not as much of a focus on the hiphop aspect, instead focusing on lyrics and message, one of the reasons Ghostface is one of my favorites. Even Ghostface is influenced by popular culture and you can see some more bait and hook style tracks in the album, like "let's stop playing" or "She's a killah". It's an interesting medley of different styles. and Ghostface is sometimes out of his comfort zone, yet he performs admirably, one of my favorite tracks that shows a little different side of Ghostface is "Do Over". All in all definitely worth the time to listen to it, and as always you have to pay attention to what Ghost is saying, not just the beats as you can in most new "rap".

Summoning
-Interesting metal band, their classification is LORD OF THE RINGS METAL! Holy shit how did I not know about these dudes? They're amazing. they have a lyrical quality and musical continuity that lets me listen to them, not just screaming and loud crashes like some metal sounds to me. They sometimes have a real heavy guitar, but it's in tune and sounds like music! So it's all good. Their style does vary a lot depending on the album and the song, but they're very exciting to any LoTR fans...(hinthint). Their songs feature heroic themes as well as dark riffs and heavy drum kits, quotes from the movies, and even SONGS IN THE BLACK SPEECH OF MORDOR. Ok i really can't get over these guys, they just rock my world. Shout out to my brother for linking them to me. Although they have several songs in the black speech, my favorite is "Mirdautas Vras". Love the epic heroic music. Taking epic to the next lvl as metal always should. Amazing. (it's so epic, here's a clip: w00t enjoy!)

Artists on my list (it's pretty long but I'll try to keep narrowing it down):
Oyster Band
Brad Paisley
BIlly Currington
Brooks and Dunn
Mark wills
John Michael Montgomery
Ben Folds
The depreciation GUild
The rescues
Desafio
Fairyland
Faith No More

P.S. Are those NAZGUL in the background? They are. Cant' get over this shit.

Keep posting with more stuff, I'll work my way slowly through it.

the RZA

So I need to pick myself up a copy of the new memoirs by RZA, called "the Tao of Wu" It looks legit real interesting, but I don't know when I'm going to have time to stop by a bookstore, and I don't really know if any bookstores around here will have such a book. We shall have to see; here's an interesting article w/ RZA interview about the book and a little bit of the WU: ... anyway. Been working a lot, chem is buttfucking me badly, but it's ok, i'll get used to it maybe. Haven't been looking over too much music recently, but I plan on trying to get some of that done this week and weekend. Visiting Mari this weekend. suped! seems like there's a lot of drama going around, some shit hit here, couple of friends in places south of here too. Wish that shit didn't happen but w/e. all you can do is pick up the pieces and put humpty the fuck back together. Much love to everyone.

busy!

So busy! it's awesome! I've officially accepted a bid for Lambda Chi Alpha (LXA) and could not be happier about the guys there. Will be going through some of the replies I've gotten about music, thanks for all the feedback, keep it coming, and if you ever want to send something to me without posting it my email is deefcrumpet@gmail.com

yes

http://www.buckeyewrestling.com/index.php?q=node/25728

so true. everything. If you aren't a wrestler you won't get all the references, but it's still epic. If you haven't wrestled you haven't really lived :P

traps

velociraptor...

I could survive for 1 minute, 44 seconds chained to a bunk bed with a velociraptor

busyyy

Been crazy busy. But I'm loving school so it's ok. Classes+clubs+wrestling+workingout+homework+socializing= never any time. So I'm just throwing this up so people know what's going on, and I'm sorry if I've been neglecting people or something.
quick note, Kanye, you're a dick. Jay-Z, you're a pimp.
thanks.

Score to a New Beginning

This is Fairyland's newest album; Score to a New Beginning. it's a fantasy metal album, and I love the title, good pseudo-hardcore shit. Not for light listening unless your heavy listening is something along the lines of screaming babies getting their intestines eaten by crows, than this would be like listening to the ocean. There's not too many vocals, but what there is is quite harmonious and effective in the theme of a soundtrack. really good guitar, and the keyboard of course just makes you think you're sailing in a viking ship going to attack the shore or something :P. Definitely worth a look into, real good album. Might write something further on them when it's not sunday morning, and I don't need some restoration and have work to do. Good ish.

idea

Just throwing it out there; if you ever have an album or song or artist that you like or are interested in lemme know, I'll listen to it, try to write up a review or something, you can learn my opinion, and other people will learn lots of new music (and you will too if anyone else starts in on it). I love music, of any kind (even some country now!) so don't be ashamed or anything stupid like that, lemme know! Thanks.

music

Shout out to my brother, reminded me of the new Raekwon album (if you don't know him he's from Wu-tang), only built 4 cuban linx pt II. It's sick money, I'll need to listen to it a couple more times before I write a little review on it, working on a J. Cole mixtape and blueprint 3 right now, I heard 9 was disappointing, but I'm still gonna see it, hopefully it'll hold a candle to gamer, moon, and district 9, but that's already a hard thing to do. I'm in Comp Sci lecture, so I need to take notes on shit I already know, crazy ass teacher likes note checks... peace everybodies.

old school

love them:
http://acidcow.com/pics/2823-horror-movies-posters.html

days

Shout out to my BSA crew. First meeting today, they're fucking awesome, I'm suped to be in the club, chilling with them and all that, new artist J. Cole, and new Jay-Z album blueprint 3 baby. Just throwing that out there, it came up in the meeting, doing my chem thang, so just throwing a quick love out.

broken...

So my PC broke... Blue screen of doom several (15) times.... I kept trying different things and kept getting different errors and different blue screens at different times! How exciting right? But it's fine because they can just re-image it and it should work properly right? But officially PCs hate me, prolly because I consider macs superior. It's just aggravating; I have a full day today, and should spend time studying chem (buttrape test tomorrow) instead of sitting waiting for them to finish, can't leave because they're not responsible for property left here. Sigh. So I'm spending my canceled class sitting in the computer lab instead of doing what I was going to do, actually get lunch today. Oh well. Went running this morning, part of my new routine of Running every morning except Wednesdays due to my Wednesday 8:00 class. It was actually not that bad, I've got some weight to lose, so I've got my schedule all dolled up with workouts and runnings, usually one of each a day except sundays (day of rest/ too hungover prolly to get up at any reasonable hour). Listening to a lot of Armory, they keep getting better each time I listen through their album, sounds like the kind of thing that you could definitely go to war to the theme of... and even more awesome. This week is crazy, homeworks and tests and everything, but I'm hopefully going to go see 9 on Wednesday, with Matt? and I'm SUPED! 9/9/09 baby! Side note: Genericon is being held at RPI, which is going to be SICK BOOTY. Haven't really had a chance to read very much, or play WoW, or watch any new movies, cept this weekend I went through Conan the barbarian and Pumping Iron (maybe a mini Arnold spree). Life is pretty good though, lotta work, but some of it is actually fun, and the rest I can choke down like a good little student. Glad to be back here, really feels like home more, and I'm getting really used to the people around me and everything, good feelings all round. So we'll see how things go, don't really know if I'll have a chance to post anything else soon, but I'll try to keep throwing shit up, been a little lax about it cause I've been involved with settling in and meeting people. I got two really sexy pairs, nike dunk pro hightops that pretty much just came out: http://www.zimbio.com/Shoes+And+Fashion/articles/127uDgq9KQ1/Nike+SB+Dunk+High+drop+September+2009

SO SEXY! those are delicious. But I also got a fine ass pair of blue shoes... which I believe to be the Nike air prestige II, hightops of course, in double blue. As I'm not at home I couldn't tell you exactly what they are, aka look at the box, but this is def a picture of them (albeit a bad one, it's the only one I could find)
http://thumbs1.ebaystatic.com/pict/2504845401368080_1.jpg

Anyway, just really happy about both of them, sexy as FUCK! Makes me feel good. :P definitely all Jessi's fault for going shopping with me instead of having a birthday party thing going on this weekend. There are a lot of sexy shoes out there, including some of everything, I've been thinking about getting another pair of Tims, simply because they're amazing, and I've only got 2.. and I want originals... (I've got grey highs and black leather lows). Oh well, first I need to be making some money :P but I've got an interview for a research job tomorrow! which hopefully would mean I make a little something (maybe only like 500 or something, but that's SOMETHING) while doing awesome stuff with plastics, glasses (with computers and light imaging) I hope the person likes me, so we'll see! Will try to get something else up later, and I'll be trying to study chem like crazy, so it'll probably mean I'll post, Oh well.

I'm glad to be home. Even though I guess it's weird to think of this as home (RPI) but I'm so much more comfortable, not getting into constant fights with the parents and everything. I can just be peaceful here, just work at all the shit I've got going at the same time. This next week is the beginning of crazy business. But I love it. Great movies:
District 9: absolutely astounding, action, images, acting, all of it was just phenomenal, totally unexpected and surprising from what I thought would be a pretty standard decent scifi movie, and it blew me away.

Moon: I don't know how many ppl have heard my opinion of moon, but it is AMAZING. Instantly one of my favorite movies, without question, incredibly thrilling (in the true sense of it, not in a violence and gore horror movie sense of it) and really mentally engaging and emotionally assertive. I loved this movie, will be willing to see it endlessly over and oever again.

most recently;
Gamer: exceeded expectations a LOT, much more involved than a simple action violence thing. Had very interesting societal implications (a la matrix) and even the clean and tidy ending wasn't clean and tidy because of the ramifications on society. Thought the plot was really well done, and the film editing was masterful. Of course, compared to the other two the plot isn't quite as good, but in any other company it would shine. Best point; the game. Is. Awesome. I thought I was in the music video for jizz in my pants I was so happy, the action is that good, best I've seen in a VERY long time, it really had a purpose, but was still incredibly graphic and amazing for its own sake, pretty much amazing.

As far as music; I haven't had a real chance to start delving into ppl's choices and stuff at RPI, which I'll get around to pretty soon once I start getting a real schedule worked out and everything. Got a new metal album from Jesse; armory I believe they are called, they're real good. I wish there was some way to put music up here, maybe I'll play around with it. And of course Prince Ea is my new favorite underground rapper, real movement and impact in the lyrics, and his flow is just contagious.

that's pretty much it, miss a lot of people, seeing a couple of them this weekend did and didn't help, but I'm definitely very glad to be back where I belong, because staying with the rents really showed that to me. the city is amazing though, and I missed it a lot while I was here without even realizing it, but I'll be back (arnold) with a vengeance.

creepy and I like it :P
http://www.littleboxofideas.com/blog/inspirations/53-insanely-dark-and-macabre-photo-manips-to-scare-your-pants-off

EPIC WIN

http://www.questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=1425


I SMILED SO HARD >.< it's so good....so good....

remember when

So remember when I thought taking chem would be a good idea because I really liked chem? well I need to re-teach myself all of high school chem by next wednesday because we have a test on it. Awesome.

downs than ups

recently I was very angry, I am no longer angry! the miracles of time to yourself in a beautiful place. Thanks to them trees and things that just look amazing in the setting sun and you can't be angry while around.

yo, been crazy ass busy. Living it up. Fucking awesome, classes start monday, so I'll prolly get into a regular kinda schedule then, try to keep more regular posts and shit. But for now these little thangs'll have to do.

YEAAAHHH BOIII

I just fucking got my new computer and I'm on that shit right now. It's a beautiful mofo, and I think i fell in love again >.< this shit is so nice and new and even smells like fucking new sex it's amazing. So I thought one of the first things I should do was post on it... thanks guys for getting me so addicted to posting my blog that the first thing I do on a new computer is install firefox (of course) and then post... I'm a go install tons of shit on this computer now. yes.

moved in, everything seems dec. Can't wait to really start feeling like I live here. Tomorrow is another day.

packed

I packed pretty much everything I think I'll need/want, it's a one bag thing; the normal clothes in one bag, the electronics and objects of personal value in one bag, the shoes in one bag, the bedding in one bag, the dress clothes in one bag, the hats in a small bag, and I'll be carrying my life in my backpack, as usual. I've sorted through pretty much my entire room, cleaned out most of it, the rest will get cleaned out at some point tonight or tomorrow. Gone through ALL of my pens...and I love pens and pencils, and I have 200+, no exageration required, it's ridiculous. I'm sure I'm forgetting a few things, but I doubt it's very much, tonight Mari's sleeping over, it'll be nice to see her right before I leave, because tomorrow we drive upstate around midday, I'll prolly hop online to check the email tomorrow night, there's a few things I've gotta pack up from up there, and then on tuesday I'm starting bright and early up at RPI. Along with 1370 other freshmen, 27% of which are female, and pretty much exactly 1% I know (not the females, the entire class silly). I'll have super high speed internet there, and a roommate, we'll see how things go, feels a little weird to be leaving without the intent to come back, yes I'll visit, yes I'll see everything again, yes I'll sleep in that bed again, but I'll never live here again, not permanently, hopefully not even for a duration like my brother is doing. I'll be finally really truly free, it's beautiful. I'll miss people, I'll miss places, I'll miss doing things (sidenote; bought a copy of Farenheit 451 to take to college, read it like 3 more times over the past coupla weeks, there's an amazing piece on death and remembering people that really hit me these times, maybe cause since I've read it I've had three people who I really care about die, both on purpose and not, but it's amazing, has to do with missing and how people fit into other people's lives), and I'll miss the times I had. But some of those I'll stick with, mostly people, some of those I'll forget, mostly places, and some will never leave me, people again. The ones that fade until they're gone don't really matter in the first place usually, not always, so I'll try to keep my forgetting/disappearing to a minimum. It's been fun.

enjoy

A MOMENT OF SILENCE, BEFORE I START THIS POEM



Before I start this poem, I'd like to ask you to join me
In a moment of silence
In honor of those who died in the World Trade Center and the
Pentagon last September 11th.
I would also like to ask you
To offer up a moment of silence
For all of those who have been harassed, imprisoned,
disappeared, tortured, raped, or killed in retaliation for those strikes,
For the victims in both Afghanistan and the U.S.

And if I could just add one more thing...
A full day of silence
For the tens of thousands of Palestinians who have died at the
hands of U.S.-backed Israeli
forces over decades of occupation.
Six months of silence for the million and-a-half Iraqi people,
mostly children, who have died of
malnourishment or starvation as a result of an 11-year U.S.
embargo against the country.

Before I begin this poem,
Two months of silence for the Blacks under Apartheid in South Africa,
Where homeland security made them aliens in their own country.
Nine months of silence for the dead in Hiroshima and Nagasaki,
Where death rained down and peeled back every layer of
concrete, steel, earth and skin
And the survivors went on as if alive.
A year of silence for the millions of dead in Vietnam - a people,
not a war - for those who
know a thing or two about the scent of burning fuel, their
relatives' bones buried in it, their babies born of it.
A year of silence for the dead in Cambodia and Laos, victims of
a secret war ... ssssshhhhh....
Say nothing ... we don't want them to learn that they are dead.
Two months of silence for the decades of dead in Colombia,
Whose names, like the corpses they once represented, have
piled up and slipped off our tongues.

Before I begin this poem.
An hour of silence for El Salvador ...
An afternoon of silence for Nicaragua ...
Two days of silence for the Guatemaltecos ...
None of whom ever knew a moment of peace in their living years.
45 seconds of silence for the 45 dead at Acteal, Chiapas
25 years of silence for the hundred million Africans who found
their graves far deeper in the ocean than any building could
poke into the sky.
There will be no DNA testing or dental records to identify their remains.
And for those who were strung and swung from the heights of
sycamore trees in the south, the north, the east, and the west...

100 years of silence...
For the hundreds of millions of indigenous peoples from this half
of right here,
Whose land and lives were stolen,
In postcard-perfect plots like Pine Ridge, Wounded Knee, Sand
Creek,
Fallen Timbers, or the Trail of Tears.
Names now reduced to innocuous magnetic poetry on the
refrigerator of our consciousness ...

So you want a moment of silence?
And we are all left speechless
Our tongues snatched from our mouths
Our eyes stapled shut
A moment of silence
And the poets have all been laid to rest
The drums disintegrating into dust.

Before I begin this poem,
You want a moment of silence
You mourn now as if the world will never be the same
And the rest of us hope to hell it won't be. Not like it always has
been.

Because this is not a 9/11 poem.
This is a 9/10 poem,
It is a 9/9 poem,
A 9/8 poem,
A 9/7 poem
This is a 1492 poem.

This is a poem about what causes poems like this to be written.
And if this is a 9/11 poem, then:
This is a September 11th poem for Chile, 1971.
This is a September 12th poem for Steven Biko in South Africa,
1977.
This is a September 13th poem for the brothers at Attica Prison,
New York, 1971.
This is a September 14th poem for Somalia, 1992.
This is a poem for every date that falls to the ground in ashes
This is a poem for the 110 stories that were never told
The 110 stories that history chose not to write in textbooks
The 110 stories that CNN, BBC, The New York Times, and
Newsweek ignored.
This is a poem for interrupting this program.

And still you want a moment of silence for your dead?
We could give you lifetimes of empty:
The unmarked graves
The lost languages
The uprooted trees and histories
The dead stares on the faces of nameless children
Before I start this poem we could be silent forever
Or just long enough to hunger,
For the dust to bury us
And you would still ask us
For more of our silence.

If you want a moment of silence
Then stop the oil pumps
Turn off the engines and the televisions
Sink the cruise ships
Crash the stock markets
Unplug the marquee lights,
Delete the instant messages,
Derail the trains, the light rail transit.

If you want a moment of silence, put a brick through the window
of Taco Bell,
And pay the workers for wages lost.
Tear down the liquor stores,
The townhouses, the White Houses, the jailhouses, the
Penthouses and the Playboys.

If you want a moment of silence,
Then take it
On Super Bowl Sunday,
The Fourth of July
During Dayton's 13 hour sale
Or the next time your white guilt fills the room where my beautiful
people have gathered.

You want a moment of silence
Then take it NOW,
Before this poem begins.
Here, in the echo of my voice,
In the pause between goosesteps of the second hand,
In the space between bodies in embrace,
Here is your silence.
Take it.
But take it all...Don't cut in line.
Let your silence begin at the beginning of crime. But we,
Tonight we will keep right on singing...For our dead.

EMMANUEL ORTIZ, 11 Sep 2002.

tradition

Staying up the last night of our trip in martha's vineyard playing games and watching TV, prolly go watch the sun rise or something. Then on to the rest of the day and leaving and seeing people and packing. Woohoo!

salt water

I love the smell of the ocean, I was at the beach for a few hours today, maybe 4 hours or something. And I just couldn't get over the ocean. So much movement and control in such a large amount of space. And when I was swimming I felt like maybe if I kept going I would end up somewhere else. Maybe on the shore of Europe or something. There was just a huge feeling of connection to the world, and not just people, but the actual land too. I think I'm going to spend some serious time on the ocean in my life. Prolly got sunburned, but I don't really care, and I'm going back tomorrow :P Thought a lot about the trip to gurney's and how much I just enjoyed being with the people there, specially hanging with mari on the beach was just nice. I'm starting to feel a little bit of the strain of going back to school, and I'm missing being completely relaxed, that's pretty much it. Thinking about a lot of things and people.

what's really good ninjaaahh? (emphasis on them Hs)

So it's the morning, which is kindof the only time I get to myself here, which I have no problem with, it's just that I don't get many moments to post :P either it's really late at night (right after matt goes to sleep and right before I go to sleep) or we're busy doing something. I really enjoy it here, mad amounts of fun, of course, but I miss being in the city and seeing everyone there that I care about. My phone has zero reception here, except when we drive past the airport on our way to somewheres.... Yesterday I saw district 9. It was amazing. Maybe the best movie I've seen in recent times (newly released). It was as good as Moon no question. AMAZING. Peter Jackson pulled through again, Lotr, and now District 9. I recommend any and all to go see it NOW. Still can't wrap my mind around how epic it was. At the movie theater we (matt and I) ran into Will and Sarah and Will's family (mom+step-dad+bro). So we'll prolly chill with them at some point. Made me really think about all the ppl who I'm not going to see very much of and not going to spend much time with who I really enjoy chilling with, like those two. Will's been a housemate for 4 years, and we both chill and play games and smoke a little, I think we weren't friends for a while because we're a little too similar, but now that we've started to grow our different ways we've started to enjoy each others company. Sarah's just fun, who doesn't like a frenchy? :P don't answer that. It was nice/weird to see Dalton people. And they really are just people who I know from seeing them at Dalton. I'm trying to figure out for myself what life will be like at RPI, even though there's no way of knowing yet, so I'm just spinning my mental wheels without determining anything, frustrating, but I can't do anything about it, my brain's on autopilot. I've been chilling with Rach a bunch too, she's really great and I'm going to miss my little sis even though I'll see her a lot and talk to here muchos, I've watched her grow up and in a lot of ways really been an older brother who she can talk to about things that she can't with Matt (I've always wanted a little sister, my parents just didn't follow through). We had a whole conversation about boys and girls (seems to always come up ya?) Because she's never had a real boyfriend, just flings or "being together"s, nothing official. Of course I'm the leading expert on longterm relationships, because I've had so many of them I don't know what to do with myself.... >.< But I know a little about the way guys work. I said she really needs some good guy friends, which I know can be hard to find for a girl, the points I really enjoyed about the conversation were things I sortof came to realize about the way I interact with girls, that all my relationships with girls are flirtatious, regardless of whether I want to get into their pants or not, because it's not a relationship with a guy, which is very different, and of course we got to the "girls are so much more complicated" and yes they are, but it's guys' fault. Guys simply respond to the signals that girls send out. That's all. So for a dude life is simple, we just look at girls and respond (very basically), they need to figure out the exact signal to send out, or else we respond improperly, that's the real problem. That's the real basic view of things, really, really basic. But I think it holds solid under scrutiny. I've been thinking about relationships a lot;friendships, romances, mentorships, and anything else that I didn't think of. I can't wait to leave EVERYTHING behind about my old life, and look at it in a pile and pick and choose what I want to keep with me and take into my new way of living. I'm just worried that I'll miss something that's really small (don't worry friends *ahem jessi* there's no way I'd forget you) but something that I'm NOT thinking of right now, that I"ll miss without realizing it. I'm getting a little nervous about college, and I'm tired of waiting. I just want to start, and deal with the problems that come up and the things that I want to change, instead of where I'm at right now, which is just waiting and trying to figure out what all those problems will be and trying to prepare myself for them. I don't like this. But for now, I'm going to exercise my power of self-control and stop worrying about it, enjoy myself for another week before I get back, and then go to work packing up my old life (literally and emotionally/mentally) with vigor (good word, oh thanks russell, you're welcome). I'll try to throw something up everyday, it may be long or it may be not-so-long. for matt; 40 pounds.

beach

today was fun. Went to the beach for a good piece of time, it was gorgeous. I'm prolly not going to be able to go tomorrow. But I might go see district 9 tomorrow, cool stuff. Real tired right now, I'll put some more shit up tomorrow.

meteors

there wasn't a shower because there is too much cloud cover. But it's a beautiful night out. For anyone who is reading this tonight you should step outside for a moment and brathe the cool summer air, it's wonderful.

flight

So I'm chilling in Martha's Vineyard with Matt now. Mad amounts of fun, already been playing WoW a bunch. Meteor shower tonight, at like 2:30, so I'll prolly be up watching that, but I'm mad tired, so you never know what'll happen. I put some pictures up of the patio, there are more, and I'll try to put up a schematic of the whole thing, and some pictures of the walkway out front that's my favorite piece we did. The flight was pretty delayed, but I brought tetris for the old gameboy, thanks a lot Mari, I got me hooked again by giving it to you :P It's pretty silly. I beat it 5 times while waiting for the flight, and then again on the flight itself >.< Talked to Miranda, she seems really good, makes me happy to hear her voice. I'll catch you guys tomorrow.

patiooo

that's mostly what the patio looks like

pictures tomorrow

So I'm back in town momentarily, seeing people like crazy! Trying to have an opportunity to see people before I leave. Tomorrow I'm going to put the pictures up, really. See you guys then.

goodbye

I said goodbye today,
to a lot of things inside my head,
some people even heard me say,
goodbye. But I'm not dead.

I had to say goodbye today,
to someone who I cherish,
set not in stone but just soft clay,
someone to see before I perish.

I wanted to say goodbye today,
but I couldn't choke out the words,
to whisper softly as I lay,
the time is past, the milk is curds.

I couldn't say goodbye today,
could not stand the loneliness,
it wasn't too high a price to pay,
but she was wearing such a pretty dress.

A strong Goodbye I said today,
I spoke within myself.
Declared it loud to mental me,
and put emotions on a shelf.
I wanted more time, beyond today,
more time for me and you and you,
but there is no time to roll in hay,
for you are leaving too.

leaving

Tonight is my last night up here for a while, although I'll be staying for one night before going up to RPI on the 25th just to break up the driving a little bit, it won't really be the same. I'll be on my way to something else and not really thinking about being here the same way, although there will probably be moments of pondering throughout the night that I doubt I'll be sleeping. It feels a little funny not to know when I'll really have more time here, although I get tired of being her basically alone from the company of my friends, recently I've had people come visit me and have enjoyed seeing them in the context of this beautiful place, which has removed a lot of the loneliness I normally attach to Gilboa. Tomorrow I head back to the city, and I'll be desperately trying to see everyone who I want to see and need to have one last contact with before I disappear, and at the same time I'll be trying to get enough shopping for last minute things in that I won't be desperate on the last day I'll have in the city (somehow I feel like I'll be a little bit busy packing then...) I've got a bunch of pictures that I'd like to put up, this weekend was a lot of fun, hanging with Jess and getting to show her around this part of my world a little bit, but it felt like she was barely here before it was time to go, so that was a little sad, I guess part of it is because I slept till 9 both days >.< so late for me recently. We found a turtle in the middle of the road, it turned out to be a painted turtle, and we saved it from whatever car may have hit it in the future, put it instead down by our little runoff creek by the driveway. I took a buncha pictures, and tomorrow, when I get back to the high-speed internet world, I'll put the ones I like the most up, as well as patio pictures, and maybe even a few of people and the weird things that they do and look like! Heh, maybe I'm evil. I do very much miss a fast internet, that and my friends are the things that draw me back to the city from the back country. If I had a lot of friends up here, and a fast internet, I would never need to come back! That's not true, but I enjoy the pretense behind it. I've been doing a lot of thinking, probably too much but that's what happens when you've suddenly stopped working and have a lot of free time on your hands, but I'm in the middle of a good book in the middle of a good series (the fourth book of the Belgariad by David Eddings, one of my favorite authors [nod to Josh from way back when]) so I'll have to do a full report of mental ponderings at some later date, I have a feeling that my time tomorrow and Tuesday will be jam packed with visiting and shopping and packing and organizing. My thoughts might not be with you specifically, but maybe they are, they tend to flit around a lot.
-R

So I'm exhausted, but today was the last day working on the patio that we made. I thought I would try to upload a coupla photos, so we'll just have to see if it's worth it. Besides that I'm going to sleep early tonight, still have a little work to do that I'll finish tomorrow, and then Jessi's coming to visit. Really looking forward to it, haven't had much of a chance to just be with her (ahem, ms. I have work everyday all summer). Sorry this is such a measly report, but I'm worn out. photos to follow.
photos failed, I'll put them up later.

foods

So this is all about food. I'm chilling upstate, family and Mari left on Monday (yesterday) after dinner, and I'm making/eating food on my own, and working of course. But I've gotta get up, make my own coffee, my own sandwich for lunch, get all my shit together, make morning toast (or a Poptart for a treat cause my mom got them for me during one of those "my baby's leaving soon I want to spoil him" moments that I capitalized on :P) and then stay on schedule getting out the house to drive to work. When I get home, I've got to make myself dinner, although there's a lot of cold chili and mac and cheese in the fridge, I ate a burger tonight, my bro made it when he made his from the rest of the beef and left it in the fridge for me, so I put a little Tabasco into the mix and threw it onto the grill for a few. Got it PERFECT, very surprising to me, but it was the perfect medium-rareness. So I got a delicious burger, and I've been thinking about food since then pretty much. A lot of people don't eat meat, and I can understand that they have personal views that interfere with them enjoying one of the most(if not the most) delicious foods, but it's never for me; I would be perfectly fine with hunting my own food even, although I think that a lot of people would not be able to stomach something they killed themselves, it would be essentially perfect for me, my qualms for eating food is the support of unhumane activities performed on animals in order for me to easily obtain and eat them, but if I worked and struggled to track, find and kill an animal, in the most essential way I have taken their life, and am the most deserved to eat them (very carnivorous and animalistic I know, but I think it makes a lot more sense that way). I hate people who hunt for sport, it makes absolutely no sense and I find it a disgusting useless waste of life, similar to soldiers slaughtering helpless people asking for help, if you use chemicals or something that force a deer to come to a certain place and sit drinking beer in a blind up in a tree waiting for it than you deserve to fall and break your neck. Hunting is such an essential part of animals, humans are still animals, that I'm sure some part of those people feel every instinct rebelling against the unnatural death of the creatures they kill. But I've gone way off topic, I meant to be talking about how much I love food, and how much it means to me to be able to eat every single day, 3 times a day at least. That I am allowed by our society to eat basically whatever I want, when I want. And that I've had a childhood where I've only gone hungry by my own actions or because I get hungry too quickly for my parents to carry me home as a small child :P. Not to say that I've never been hungry, but that in some manner I could have changed the occurences and incidents that led to me not going home and not having money. A little different of a situation than some homeless people (not all, probably not even most). That's the main reason that I usually give change to homeless people, I do know hunger, and I hate seeing someone else have to go through it.
So that's my rant on food :P hope you enjoyed it. Quick update for anyone who cares, if you don't fuck off xD Work was hard today, a fairly long day; 10 hours, which means I got home pretty tired, unfortunately I didn't take a shower because I learned there was a new WoW patch, and I have been trying to download it...How long will it take you might ask? on a slow dial-up system in the middle of nowhere in New York State? Oh only about 63 hours.... So I'll probably be back in the city by the time it's done.... Makes me a little sad because now I won't be able to play till I get the patch and all. Sigh. Sounds like my parents are coming back tomorrow instead of friday, which is honestly quite a disappointment to me, I though that they trusted me with the house, but apparently they can't leave me alone for more than a day. That's the true way it feels to me, despite all the various excuses, but it's ok, soon I'll be gone for good and will see them every so often, so it doesn't really affect me whatever the real reason is, I just wished I had more than one night to myself to think and write like I'm doing tonight is all, and definitely more time in order to listen to music on the good speakers, when my rents are around my kind of music isn't acceptable on the house's speakers. True to my statement I'll try to keep throwing something up, we'll just have to see how much I manage as we try to squeeze the rest of the work into these next three days, I'm going to be working real hard because I want to finish the patio in 2 days, and then George has a little more work for me, building some shelves in his house with him, So I should be done working by the weekend. If that works than I can go back to the city with my mom on Monday, see people monday and Tuesday and head to MV on wednesday or something. If work doesn't work out that way than I'm going to need to seriously figure things out, but I will, no worries. This place is beautiful, and I have no doubt that I'm going to get a forge built up here, then I can come up here and work on metals sometimes from RPI, maybe in a year or so, but still at sometime. I still can't get over how amazing it is here, but I'm exhausted, I seem to have poured the last of my energy into this post, and I still haven't showered yet, must be crazy. Till tomorrow.
-R

the workin' life

So it has been quite some time since my last post. Been real busy for most of it. But everything has been on a slow wind upwards. I'm making real money! My job pays 15$ an hour usually, I'm working with George building a stone patio. It's me him and a guy named Tom, an EE graduate from Alfred! Small world right? He's real cool too, and the job is fun even if it's a crazy amount of work. Been waking up around 5, because we start early, on the site at 7:30 everyday, and we've been working usually till 3 or 4, with maybe 15 minutes for lunch around 10:30 or 11. Most of what I'm doing is hauling stones to where they're supposed to lay and then placing them, picking them back up, shoveling more crusher dust (stone dust that we use to set the stones) or raking more out from under one side, and then putting it back down, repeating this process until the stone is roughly level and matches all the other stones that surround it in the patio. Besides work, life is looking pretty good. When I went to my orientation at RPI, it solidified my fears, most of the kids who were in the same dorm floor as me (we had some "bonding" moments, and then real bonding moments once the advisors went to bed) had never drunk or done drugs, and by most I mean all except me and this other girl. So definitely a little different of a social scene than I'm used to, but I figure that I'll get used to it eventually. There is a social life, there was a dance party hosted as part of the orientation piece, and it was a little sad, there were teh 30% (girls) dancing in the middle, and all the guys outside not really dancing because they felt too awkward, so i got to tear shit up! It was mad fun! I ended up doing a handstand pushup in the middle of a circle of girls, which I haven't really ever done successfully before, and one of the advisors (they were all RPI students) challenged me and I didn't really embarrass myself too badly :P It was fun, and hopefully the other guys will take note that even if you can't dance well you can still dance, and have girls get interested if that's the goal you're after. It wasn't for me. Maybe it's Jake's fault, but I've started enjoying dancing for it's own sake, and regretting that it didn't happen earlier, because it's fun when you just don't give a shit about who's watching or what you look like. Last night I danced to the whole sam cooke album live at harlem square with my mom, dad, and mari, and sometimes by myself, heh. He's just way too catchy to not get up and move! Anyway, I'm hoping I'll have more time to hit this up a little now, I'm going to try to hit it once every day at least, with work it's usually in the evening. My bro's got one too, but i haven't had a chance to check it out yet, I think he's still in the "just got a blog need to post every 5 minutes" stage of things. Ah the good old days :P I wish I still felt that way, but I'm pseudo-glad that it doesn't consume all of my time. I'm definitely going to change the direction of this blog; it is right now something amorphous, but I'm going to try to channel it into a little bit of a journal about what's going on with me, and definitely a place where I can publicly talk about things that interest me, music, movies, girls, foods, parties, everything. So hopefully if I can start really writing stories again, note that all of the hundreds of stories I've written in the past couple months are almost all less than a page in length, I'll put those up too, but as is I'm just cruising, and this is my weekend off for a little while, and I've finally got a few benjigreens in mah pocket. To all my boys in the big BK who've been holding down the fort while I'm upstate, I heard about that shit you did down by the simplex, that shit is ILL. And my bro did a pretty sick piece that he showed me, hopefully he'll eventually get his lazy ass (I hope he's reading this) in gear and do a piece up on teh roof over that dumbass. I'll even help buy the paints for him, maybe. I'll catch you guys on the flip side.

not hard enough

i can't figure it out, when i read the ones that make sense it's not me, and when they don't make sense i don't understand. how do people find out about themselves? i never seem to know enough to keep myself contained. safe. put out of my own misery. i can't manage to control enough of me, or to focus, i just don't seem to be able. I keep trying as hard as i can, and it's not hard enough. ever. I'm sorry.

i really want to see this movie.

I graduated.

just got home. prom is in two days... suddenly it feels like we're out of time, I'm beginning to wonder if i'll miss the school at all, once i graduate, or maybe down the lifeline a few years, people keep talking about it, and i just don't feel that way at all, but who knows how things will be when i'm truly completely done (still need to finish health today at some point, but i'm going to sleep for a sec).

back from that grade trip, it was really good, i needed the down time. i'm crazy busy though, trying to get everything in order for graduation and summer and prom and trying to see everyone before they disappear from my life. mmm.

that's from a little while ago, when i went crazy.

The rain on my painted silloette
hurts to collect the shattered pieces,
of the me before time, landed
hooked into gasping for a mouth to feed
from neverending agony too
relinquishing the only string of cranes
that still controls puppet-me.
When tweedle-dee-dum strike a match
towards a pteradactyl sky
Paining on my sintillating skin
only reaches the ends of my fingertips
to dance enlightened towards a static
point of question within and/or among
myself.
Duel a dual of stated segments
63 little boxes of each one can't find the smell of sorrow
When the Ra-God forms a beauty and sees how much it pretends
my burning rose to feeling
maybe tulips can't be bleeding
but they hurt my crying veins
leeking solitude as it rains
into solid devil's rack
As a tack becomes what needent be
explained away.
As it seemed quite fitting at the moment of incursion, a single most intriguing particular shone in the sun like an uncut cypher stone.
Reminding the future of what kant be summerized, and what moore people have decided upon than is healthy.
Only to forget more than any dreams could teach,
Do we remember how to fly? or forget when we wake.

i wonder waht your fingertips would feel like if they had held on instead of letting go. watching me slip through them to fall to smash on the cold kitchen tiles. I wonder how strong those fingers wer, but the fall hurt more.

i never feel close enough
to stick my tongue out
catch a falling snow crystal on the tip
and melt in my mouth.
taking so long to seep through me
blood becoming ice water
bleaching my body, sold to the lowest of low,
the only one who can still sing
to lonely ears
spinning through every empty space
created by simplicity of thought.

How can you price the stars
as they spin through mental exploration
blurred eyes stinging with any reaction
to bright lights crashing down
from nowhere near that i can see.
Only one remains through the storm
that i can no longer feel on my skin.

dripping wet through the fingertips that graze the floor,
heat escapes me.

going crazzyyy. want to graduateeee need to wooorrkkk. need to sleep. none of it is happenign.

yes please.

http://onceuponawin.com
yes.
most of the things that i remember about childhood or don't remember or whatever. are there. it's amazing!

trying to stare

Her smile lit up the room. Every time I saw her, that’s the first thing I noticed. When no one else was looking I couldn’t help myself, I had to see her smile. That’s when I decided that no matter what, I had to make her happy. Any romantic will tell you that their love’s happiness is the most important thing, but for me, it was special, that smile was all that mattered in my life. We became friends easily, I’m good at making people smile, and she liked how happy I always was around her. I approached a couple of her friends, asking about relationships and boyfriends in the past, doing my research so that I wouldn’t hurt her the same way someone else had, learning from their mistakes. She was kinda seeing this guy who I knew, a real asshole, and she knew it too, so I waited. It got back to her that he was sleeping with 3 other girls while trying to tell her she was the only one for him. That was too much, and I was there when she was sad because it was so much fun. That was the worst time for me, with her unsmiling, even for me, I couldn’t handle things, I had to make it better. I started giving her flowers, just to see a grin at how silly I was being. From flowers I gave her what she wanted, books, movies, things I was recommending to her, things she needed. One day she stopped me and asked, what I thought I was trying to do. My answer was really simple. I was trying to make her smile again. I should have told her a long time ago. Just that simple answer sparked her lips, and they matched my dreams. I could not help myself, and just stared at her, she’s so beautiful. She asked
“like this?”
I had no words for her, there was nothing I could say to match the happiness flooding through my veins. I answered her the only way I could, I took her hand and placed it to my lips, feeling every line and rough callous. Kissing every sign of her life on her palms, I moved to her wrist, and felt her pulse beat against my tongue, sending shivers through me. I knew what I was doing, but I wanted her to know too, I looked at her, and she had stopped smiling, her mouth was slightly parted with her breath slipping out between moist lips as she stared at me.
“Yes…”
she whispered as I took a step closer and slipped my arm around her waist. Pulling her close was made easier by her eagerness to be pressed up against me. I looked around her room, there was a double bed in the corner, and a couch pushed up against the wall. She must have seen the look in my eyes, because she took a step back, flashed me a smile from heaven, and slowly started unbuttoning her shirt, one button at a time. Revealing a little skin and then a little more, until I could not contain myself and I moved forward. She danced back away from me, placing a delicate hand on my chest to keep me away. She pushed me back and I tripped over the couch, flopping down into the corner. She giggled and turned around, flipping her shirt down so I could see the smooth skin of her shoulders and back, the plain black of her bra in contrast with her golden body. I figured I was dreaming, that there was no way the girl I had been wanting for months was here with me, and that she would be mine alone. My eyes followed her shirt to the ground, and then slid back up her body, absorbing every inch and ounce of her. She turned around and gave me a shy little smile, sparking a huge one of my own. Giving her the admiration she deserved with my eyes I stood up and stepped close. Feeling her skin with my fingers, being as delicate as I could I traced small designs all over her bare back and arms. I let my fingers fall down and pulled my own shirt off, needing to feel her with more than my hands. I lowered my lips to her collarbone, kissing and nibbling on the bone structure beneath her soft skin. Placing little wet kisses up to her neck, where I pressed my lips against her life veins and held her close, feeling her heart beat against my chest and mouth at the same time. My fingers spread wide on her lower back and pulled her hips into mine, feeling her press up against me all the way down to her leg wrapped around mine. I returned the favor with my left arm, locking it around her hips, and picked her up till our faces were directly in front of each other. I felt my heart speed up as I looked deeply into her eyes. I had never noticed before, brown tinged with streaks of green, patterning them to depict her emotions. I saw her sadness covered by a mask, I could see her hope and desire for something she could hold on to and never have to leave. I felt my throat tighten and I couldn’t look away, and then I saw her smile again, and I understood why her smile was the only one I needed. She had been so sad that her happiness had real value, that any time she smiled, it was all of her joy expressed at once. I wanted to make her eyes smile forever. So I kissed them. I kissed every part of her face over and over, carefully avoiding her lips when she tried to catch mine. i felt her hands on my face, her elbows on my chest, she pulled my head straight in front of her and leaned forward. I felt the instant our lips touched in my whole body, I could taste her love, her satisfaction, her desire, and her happiness on my tongue, and I could not help but share it with her. As my tongue slipped inside her lips and danced along the edges of her tongue I felt her melt against my body, and it was more than I could handle. I stepped to the bed without removing my lips from hers, opening my eyes to stare at her face, so open and closed at the same time. I placed her down on the bed, leaning over her and slowly placed my lips back on her neck, right next to her jawline, I could feel her breathe as her chest lifted up against mine and then receded, both of our skins sticking to each other, trying to hold on to contact a little longer. I moved lower, placing my mouth against the edge of her bra, slipping along her curves. Lining her front with a row of little wet imprints from my lips tracing from her neck down to the button on her jeans.

ok. so, it's been a long time coming, but i'm back on my blog, i hope, and i've got the first half of a story to prove it. It feels like so long since i've written anythign worthwhile. First rule of comments, you have to giv eyour complete honest opinion, including if you don't like it or would change something, the next half of it will be the X-rated part...which hopefully will live up to my own standard but probably won't and will thus take me MUCH longer to write than it should. please enjoy. (i guess it'll be above so ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^it's up there)
-R

try to feel the butterfly dance when you picture a simple solution to 42 different as an answer to the only neverending story?

The rain on my painted silloette
hurts to collect the shattered pieces,
of the me before time, landed
hooked into gasping for a mouth to feed
from neverending agony too
relinquishing the only string of cranes
that still controls puppet-me.
When tweedle-dee-dum strike a match
towards a pteradactyl sky
Paining on my sintillating skin
only reaches the ends of my fingertips
to dance enlightened towards a static
point of question within and/or among
myself.
Duel a dual of stated segments
63 little boxes of each one can't find the smell of sorrow
When the Ra-God forms a beauty and sees how much it pretends
my burning rose to feeling
maybe tulips can't be bleeding
but they hurt my crying veins
leeking solitude as it rains
into solid devil's rack
As a tack becomes what needent be
explained away.
As it seemed quite fitting at the moment of incursion, a single most intriguing particular shone in the sun like an uncut cypher stone.
Reminding the future of what kant be summerized, and what moore people have decided upon than is healthy.
Only to forget more than any dreams could teach,
Do we remember how to fly? or forget when we wake.

-Russell (maybe)

trying to keep my head above water...Wish i could just eat sleep and see people, too bad that's not how it works anymore.

saw Wolverine. the newest X-men. SO AWESOME...

so here's the edited version so far of Dream of Death, feedback plz. good/bad/needs more/needs less/this line is wrong etc.

soft rain patters on the skull of my hollow shell,
sounding musical pain taking this life down to hell,
i can't see for the steam coming off my hot skin,
inward anger burns my soul til its charred black as sin.

oh darling girl of dreams and dust,
where can I find the will to trust,
my shining armor degraded, rust,
decayed by senseless yearnings, lust.
protect my soul, keep it contained,
no, not a single piece remains,
for it taints the world, the stage, the game,
I just want peace instead of fame.

now when the night falls into place
my heart beats at a faster pace,
relishing the dark, the smell of mace,
and women wearing too much lace,
because my life's a turtle race,
and i am just a snail.

Please destiny, you're not too kind,
Why can't you ease my racing mind,
you're deep dark eyes are heavy lined,
with no sleep left, no time to find,

When molten tears from Pompeii's curse, fall open faced,
Landscapes, children, homes and heads turn into waste,
perverting my senses till ash saturates my taste,
how crime and punishment interlace,
you can't hear screams in rapture's grace.

Beautiful girl who rules my life,
I wish you were my friend and wife,
You're a reflection in my knife,
hinting at a final end to strife,
but though your offer does entice,
my mind listens to your advice,
and never makes the terminal slice,
i can't afford so high a price

so i've gone back over some stuff. think i'm going to read Dream of Death for the reading tomorrow. but i'm a little nervous, cause it's kinda personal and i dont' know how many/who will show up. Oh well, it's the last time i'll have to see a lot of them probably. I'm supposed to be working on a paper right now, but i really can't focus too well, gotta buncha shit due in the next little piece of time, but it's not too crazy, just a little more weight on my shoulders, luckily no straws, heh.