caught in a bind tween the meeting of minds where i don't know which one is most easily won. i can't pick or i'm wrong, but i dont know the song that my feet are still dancing all night long. everything falls apart so many times a day i don't have enough fingers to hold on to everyone who i need to be ok. no problems is a dream i've never had. there's no fear of release for this city, i can't leave and i can't stay any longer for myself. when i crumble no one will know, maybe inside i'm dust already i just can't tell. Running on empty 4 years ago now i've burned my tank to the ground and i'm running towards the lines with nothing but my skinned legs. my destruction dreams cannot faze my dry eyes while my insides cry. Blood pouring from the cuts that my own ribs make. my own body rebelling against the sustenance i give it; pain and emptiness. filling my stomach with fod as i prepare myself for my next final struggle, there's one every day. A spartan hoplite beat a ninja in a fight, and i take them both every second i keep pushing one foot in front of the other. when a new door opens and i go through it instead of running from the choices i fail to make. no music can soothe the vibration of my brain inside my skull, bouncing off the walls from impact again and again till i can never think straight. Drugs? no, my life changes me without any salt on the meat. how many sports can you play until you find the one that gives you what you need? i'm lucky. "everyone" says so, must be true. I can throw 6s 3 times in a row, but i cannot choose the right girl for a friend, cannot keep him from screing things up even though i can see the problems before they happen. I cannot fight off their pain like i do my own, i cannot ignore their problems like the 4 bruised ribs in my chest. Why can i not be a notecard, folded up in my wallet, simple like written words, without the implications in every stroke that i find in my own actions. How can i start my life without ending it? what happens when you cut a puppet off the strings and hook it up to a battery, call it autonomous and tell it to dance. How many of them turn into stars? how many crumple? how many explode? how many never even twitch? am i a quantum leap or simply a matter of probability. how many eggs break when you drop them from a 4th floor walk up apartement roof? not every one every time. a diving roll is slower than a double leg shot, i can do both. i can pick up a 200 pound man with one arm and slam him to the ground, but i cannot tell someone what goes on inside of me, is there anything? or am i empty. like a chocolate bunny's hollow heart.