and

Sometimes you just want to go crazy and pull all your little short hairs out and never think about the cold wind on your naked skin as you dance and cry and laugh and sing about death and life and the absence of both and being without a girl who makes you smile, to make you smile, to see you smile, to hold and to have, through sickness and through health and pain and happiness and to fight over and to reject and to scoff and to stare at and to write poetry about and for and to and from and so no one but she and he and both and everyone and sometimes no one but you and her and them and those ones and everyone else can see what you don't want to know about and you can't seem to hold your head up and smile at everyone who doesn't matter and simply say hello and wave and watch as my own standards seep all over my seething and sickening skin and i scream with the pain of pressure and crack from the strain of being me.

more awesome stuff from a fellow blog-addict

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/funny_pages_20/2008/10/dark-knight-toy.html

yes it's real >.<

amazing

constantly this world amazes me. Listen to this girl sing... she was 19 when she recorded it...
its kinda like amy winehouse and imogen heap, that kinda musik.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=95336919

illin'

I find comfort in shopping, and wishing for things i cannot have. It provides a stable desire/refuted wishes spectrum in my life where everything else shifts. i want this hat.

pressure

i wonder how much pressure it takes to crack a skull. Or how much it takes to shatter a kneecap. Or how much until i give up.

wondering is a wonderful thing, pretty strange concept when you consider the root of the word though. Wonder; verb- to be filled with admiration, amazement, or awe; marvel. It is a strange world when you can wonder at wonderous things, and also at horrible things, and painful things. I wonder what people will think of our language when it's long gone.

tired

I'm tired.
physically, mentally,
just tired of working,
never being good enough,
letting things slip through the cracks,
stupid little mistakes that my eyes can't focus on,
red pens and -.5s
not knowing where to go,
writing constantly, every spare minute i have, but none of it is my writing.
I'm tired.
not having the right hats,
not thinking about what i say,
parents not listening no matter what i say,
my computer not working when i need it,
not having time to read,
losing weight slowly,
being alone.
I'm tired.