so here's the edited version so far of Dream of Death, feedback plz. good/bad/needs more/needs less/this line is wrong etc.

soft rain patters on the skull of my hollow shell,
sounding musical pain taking this life down to hell,
i can't see for the steam coming off my hot skin,
inward anger burns my soul til its charred black as sin.

oh darling girl of dreams and dust,
where can I find the will to trust,
my shining armor degraded, rust,
decayed by senseless yearnings, lust.
protect my soul, keep it contained,
no, not a single piece remains,
for it taints the world, the stage, the game,
I just want peace instead of fame.

now when the night falls into place
my heart beats at a faster pace,
relishing the dark, the smell of mace,
and women wearing too much lace,
because my life's a turtle race,
and i am just a snail.

Please destiny, you're not too kind,
Why can't you ease my racing mind,
you're deep dark eyes are heavy lined,
with no sleep left, no time to find,

When molten tears from Pompeii's curse, fall open faced,
Landscapes, children, homes and heads turn into waste,
perverting my senses till ash saturates my taste,
how crime and punishment interlace,
you can't hear screams in rapture's grace.

Beautiful girl who rules my life,
I wish you were my friend and wife,
You're a reflection in my knife,
hinting at a final end to strife,
but though your offer does entice,
my mind listens to your advice,
and never makes the terminal slice,
i can't afford so high a price

so i've gone back over some stuff. think i'm going to read Dream of Death for the reading tomorrow. but i'm a little nervous, cause it's kinda personal and i dont' know how many/who will show up. Oh well, it's the last time i'll have to see a lot of them probably. I'm supposed to be working on a paper right now, but i really can't focus too well, gotta buncha shit due in the next little piece of time, but it's not too crazy, just a little more weight on my shoulders, luckily no straws, heh.

i identify with the part of hailie's song that doesn't involve hailie (by eminem, lines marked):
[Verse 1 - Sung]
Some days I sit, starin' out the window -
Watchin' this world pass me by -
Sometimes I think theres nothin' to live for -
I almost break down and cry -

Somtimes I think I'm crazy -
I'm crazy, oh so crazy -
Why am I here, am I just wasting my time? -

But then I see my baby
Suddenly I'm not crazy
It all makes sense when I look into her eyes

[Chorus]
Somtimes it feels like the world's on my shoulders -
Everyone's leanin' on me -
Cuz sometimes it feels like the world's almost over -
But then she comes back to me

[Verse 2 - Sung]
My baby girl [Hailie laughs] keeps gettin' older
I watch her grow up with pride
People make jokes, cuz they don't understand me -
They just don't see my real side -

I act like shit don't phase me, -
Inside it drives me crazy -
My insecurities could eat me alive -

caught in a bind tween the meeting of minds where i don't know which one is most easily won. i can't pick or i'm wrong, but i dont know the song that my feet are still dancing all night long. everything falls apart so many times a day i don't have enough fingers to hold on to everyone who i need to be ok. no problems is a dream i've never had. there's no fear of release for this city, i can't leave and i can't stay any longer for myself. when i crumble no one will know, maybe inside i'm dust already i just can't tell. Running on empty 4 years ago now i've burned my tank to the ground and i'm running towards the lines with nothing but my skinned legs. my destruction dreams cannot faze my dry eyes while my insides cry. Blood pouring from the cuts that my own ribs make. my own body rebelling against the sustenance i give it; pain and emptiness. filling my stomach with fod as i prepare myself for my next final struggle, there's one every day. A spartan hoplite beat a ninja in a fight, and i take them both every second i keep pushing one foot in front of the other. when a new door opens and i go through it instead of running from the choices i fail to make. no music can soothe the vibration of my brain inside my skull, bouncing off the walls from impact again and again till i can never think straight. Drugs? no, my life changes me without any salt on the meat. how many sports can you play until you find the one that gives you what you need? i'm lucky. "everyone" says so, must be true. I can throw 6s 3 times in a row, but i cannot choose the right girl for a friend, cannot keep him from screing things up even though i can see the problems before they happen. I cannot fight off their pain like i do my own, i cannot ignore their problems like the 4 bruised ribs in my chest. Why can i not be a notecard, folded up in my wallet, simple like written words, without the implications in every stroke that i find in my own actions. How can i start my life without ending it? what happens when you cut a puppet off the strings and hook it up to a battery, call it autonomous and tell it to dance. How many of them turn into stars? how many crumple? how many explode? how many never even twitch? am i a quantum leap or simply a matter of probability. how many eggs break when you drop them from a 4th floor walk up apartement roof? not every one every time. a diving roll is slower than a double leg shot, i can do both. i can pick up a 200 pound man with one arm and slam him to the ground, but i cannot tell someone what goes on inside of me, is there anything? or am i empty. like a chocolate bunny's hollow heart.

this song made me happy, and made me glad that i don't just listen to my own little box of music like so many people.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahqPu8ziGi0
iglu & hartly baby. they're good. I've got a lot on my mind, some of it'll probably go up here soon.

yo so i found this and it's pretty hot, i really like it. never heard of this dude before, but who knows:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IleGUk7vB2A

new game, pretty cool, i'm on server 8.
http://s8.travian.com

Dream of death (song maybe?)

When the soft rain patters on the skull of my hollow shell,
and the musical pain brings my life down to hell,
i can't see for the steam that's coming of my hot skin,
cause my anger burns my soul till it's charred black as sin.

oh darling girl of dreams and dust,
where can i find the will to trust,
my silver armor is now all rust,
decayed by senseless ugly lust,
protect my soul, keep it contained
don't let a single piece remain,
it taints the world, the play, the game,
i just want peace instead of fame.

now when the night falls into place
and still my heart beats a fast pace,
i love the dark, the smell of mace,
and women wearing too much lace,
because my life's a turtle race,
and i am just a snail.

Please destiny, you're not too kind,
Why can't you ease my racing mind,
you're deep dark eyes are heavy lined,
with no sleep left, no time to find,
I just want Peace and Hope and Luck,
I'm walking sludge, my arms are stuck,
my life is running far amuck,
and i simply couldn't give a fuck.

When molten tears from heaven's curse fall open faced,
Landscapes, children, homes and heads turn into waste,
perverting my senses till the only one i use is taste,
how crime and punishment are always interlaced,
for you cannot hear the screams in rapture's grace.

Beautiful girl who rules my life,
I wish you were my friend and wife,
but still you're just reflected in my knife,
hinting at a final end to strife,
but though your offer does entice,
my mind listens to your advice,
never makes the terminal slice,
i can't afford so high a price.

so life's been pretty crazy busy recently. i don't really have nything to post, cept that the game my brute is mad fun, and become my pupil

http://deefcrumpet.mybrute.com
but besides taht i've got nothing. thinking of some poeple out there in theworld. wishin gi was a little more of a poet so i could write something phenomenal for the poettry reading, but oh well, i'll prolly slob out some kinda shit htat'll be oka nd everyhone'll clap cause they're polite.

It's such a shame
when no one takes the blame
and your world ends in flame
as cupid slowly takes aim
a hollow point engraved with my name
spelled differently, but it's still the same.

so, recent rash of postings of poems. They're not from the same time at all, but just in my book. and i haven't put something up in a fat minute. I'm trying to be better. really i am. it's just been busy.

8

For all the pain,
waiting to see when it ends,
for my tears to stop,
as happy becomes sad,
my eyes sparkle with hate,
anger,
frustration,
there is nothing i CAN do.
nothing to hold to,
everything to lose.
I lost a path I made
never seeing my footprints before the dust rose.
It's too late
my dirty shoes slide through mud,
heavier than Hector's heart
when the world i know falls apart,
and i cannot find the time,
to write a verse or line,
describing my dry eyes,
cannot shape the words that pupils speak in silent misery.
Please let it rain,
so i can see god weep.
To make his tears my own,
and feel again.

4 (musical)

Do you see what I see?
A broken man of two
I think too much to write it all, so
No words of wisdom for me
to read from my
fingertips'
silence.
With no music, does happiness dance?
or does it fade like a love letter,
never touched again.
Without light a life is straight,
no crooked shadows to shape the lies,
only truth
in the night.

3

you say "l vie est belle"
but i cannot see the cave i can't
escape.
How do you cry, i learned
not to.
why can I feel their
pain.
But not my own.
Am I wrong to want
nothing at all except
sleep.
Can't dream for thoughts,
can't sleep for dreams,
can't think straight, so my
sleep is twisted.
Beautiful night opens for my
pleasure.
Day runs from me, seeking
solace from my dry eyes,
afraid,
I am, was, and will be,
but i don't know what.

2

I look into the dead eyes each day,
living zombies whose slavery is work.
Prince charles is a teacher,
when i call i never reach her,
too busy to fix the world,
too cold to turn up the heat for,
the freezing children I
love,
like a bullet, molten metal kills
this planet, but who's choice is it?
not the children,
the knowledge fix is broken,
i can feel the chill from hell
seeping through my bones.
I cannot wait much longer,
can't help,
too cold.

1

Dreams are always a testament to life
so full of all the fear and stress and strife,
for conscious minds don't always realize,
the yin and yang of life are truth and lies.
When sleeping always twisted mem'ries rise,
Believable though all logic denies,
for truth's the hardest thing to see in eyes.

a la jake

The clouds drift slowly across the night sky,
plumes of grey hope in a darkening world.
While the sun is sleeping, never can I,
for night is the sum of my dreams unfurled.
Of course apollo's globe is beautiful,
but for me, prometheus' gift,
more beautiful by far, beyond a tool, (looking for a different word than beautiful if you've got one)
when dark i watch her dance, her fingers lift,
against the clouds her burning heart is fierce
i feel her in my bones when the sky sleeps,
just as sharp as cupid's arrows pierce
a cleaner burn than when a lover weeps.
A darkened night will never tell you lies,
but stars are just as bright as sparkling eyes. (spark'ling ->two syllables)

cleanup

open things on my tabs that i can't bear to close, here are some:
http://illroots.com/
http://www.supermariobrothers.org/
http://www.rpglife.com/maps/
http://www.tastings.com/spirits/best_bar.html
http://blog.objectmentor.com/articles/2009/02/26/10-papers-every-programmer-should-read-at-least-twice
http://www.chainsawsuit.com/20090212.shtml
http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=369#comic
http://www.sharkdivingunlimited.com/
http://www.random.org/
http://www.pdnphotooftheday.com/2009/03/628
http://ayshay.webs.com/
http://www.24hrfitness.co.uk/bodybuilding/how-to-build-muscle-mass.php
http://images.google.com/images?q=nike%20air%20royal&hl=en&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=wi
http://1x.com/?from=0&action=search&nop=20&order=votes&equipment=&user=&tag=&series=&picname=&year=&month=&location=&day=&free=&userid=&date=&search=Go&category=&album=&treshold=0&searchname=Photographers+choice+all+time
http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-true-stories-behind-5-famous-wtf-images/
http://ifightrobots.com/
http://www.munozvelazquez.com/UntitledFrameSet-2.htm
http://photobombers.com/gallery/displayimage.php?album=toprated&cat=0&pos=26
http://maps.google.com/maps?f=l&hl=en&geocode=&q=front+street&near=&jsv=115&sll=40.707157,-74.00455&sspn=0.008377,0.013819&ie=UTF8&ei=C4dNSMbyMI3QjgGmntGyCg&cd=8&li=lmd&z=15&t=m
http://www.sneakerfiles.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/05/nike-af-25-low-new-2.jpg
http://www.sneakernice.com/catalog_10.html
http://mjgradziel.com/burger/giant_burger.html
http://www.recipestar.com/pages/bacon_life
http://www.informationweek.com/news/showArticle.jhtml?articleID=216402727
http://www.365tomorrows.com/03/30/sacrifices/
http://images.google.com/images?q=nike%20daybreak&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&hl=en&tab=wi
http://www.extremely-sharp.com/blood-red-hand-claw.html (thanks jessi)


and now that my tabs are under 50 count. i can actually do things on the internet. I'm gonna try to be posting more, even if it's useless self-concerned shit that makes me disgusted with myself.